Hey, I earned these...

Lemon Chicken Cutlets with Couscous and Asparagus

2011-07-12T14:18:00.000-07:00

Tonight I made Lemon Chicken Cutlets with Couscous and Asparagus. If you click on the link the recipe is for Turkey Cutlets, but I only had chicken breast in the house so that is what I used.

The Chicken got 4 stars, but the couscous only got 3 stars and the asparagus only got 3 stars. This will not keep me from making them again.

Tonight I used the fresh garlic I purchased from the farmer's market. All of the remaining ingredients were from Giant Eagle. I'm hoping when I make this again in the a few weeks I can say that the majority of the ingredients came from either the Farmer's Market or some local roadside stand.

Bruschetta Chicken Bake and Avocado Salad

2011-07-10T16:18:00.000-07:00

Tonight for dinner I made Bruschetta Chicken Bake and Avocado Salad.

The dishes received 3 stars. Only because the daughter does not like anything with tomatoes. However, before I finished my first helping both the Husband and the Boy finished off the rest of the salad. So I would say it was a HUGE success.

I know, I know...the chicken dish used a stuffing mix. However I had one in my cupboard that I needed to use up since I paid for it. So if I make it in the future I will make a few changes, like making my own stuffing mix, and I will use fresh tomatoes instead of canned. Also, I used a low fat Shredded Mozzarella Cheese which I don't think changed the taste at all.

For the Avocado salad I doubled the recipe and was able to use the local feta cheese I got from the Farmer's Market on Saturday. I did use smoked Feta which may have altered the taste a bit, but I think for the better. I also used fresh little onions that I got from the Farmer's Market.

Now about the onions, I would usually just leave them out. I personally HATE onions, but they looked so cute and wholesome....like a magazine picture...so I bought them. I wasn't really sure what I would use them in and I just figured my husband and kids would snack on them. They were about the size of large marbles. They were bigger than ramps or scallions but not as big as a regular onion. I felt so chef like as I prepared and chopped them..and I didn't even cry. Except when I picked them out of my serving of salad.

Then I cried a little because it is sooooo irritating to pick onions out of anything.

My first experience with a Farmer's Market

2011-07-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

I set my alarm last night for 8:00 this morning. Why would I set my alarm on a Saturday? To go to the Farmer's Market, of course!

After ~~not planting a garden~~ much prompting from certain friends and doing my own internet researching I've decided to try to buy local produce. According to EVERYONE the best place to do this is at a local farmer's market.

Because I live in such a bizarre location I have equal distance to two different markets. Today I chose this one. I must admit, it was both awesome and a let down.

In my mind there would be TONS of vendors with a wide variety of produce. Now maybe it's because everything is behind due to rain, or maybe it's just the way this market is, but that was NOT the case.

There were a few vendors. It was about even between vegetable vendors and baked goods vendors. There was only one Goats Milk product vendor. The only fruit on the premises were berries.

However, this did make me think that maybe certain fruits aren't in season. And the fruit I've been buying at other stores is shipped in and is not really that healthy nor does it support local growers.

Now about the prices. I did pay more for my cabbage than I would have at Giant Eagle, but I saved about $4.00 on herbs and about $3.00 on cucumbers. So that kinda evens that out.

All and all it was good. I walked in the fresh air, I bought local produce and cheese thereby supporting local farmers and goat people. Most importantly I walked out of the market feeling good about my choices AND saving money.

If YOU are going to a Farmer's Market for the first time I would keep these things in mind:

1.) Take Cash

2.) Bring your own bags. You aren't doing much for the environment if you are using the plastic grocery bags they provide. Plus by using reusable bags you will LOOK much more experienced.

3.) If you don't see what you want, ask at different tables if they will have it. If a vendor knows that you will come back they will bring it the following week.

This is a great place to make food friendly relationships which is both rare and lovely.

Parmesan Crusted Venison Roast

2011-07-08T08:28:00.000-07:00

I found this recipe and made it for our family. It is a HUGE hit getting 4 stars. (One star for each member of the family).

Well I decided to see if it would also work as well on a roast. I know it's seems a little odd, but my family says they are up for the challenge. I'm hoping that by coating it with the mustard and Parmesan that it will stay moist. My biggest challenge with venison roast is that it dries out so much you have to have gravy to choke it down.

So I make the marinade and put it and the Parm on the roast around 3:00. I check it at 6:00 and it's not quite at 160. Everyone is starving and I need to figure something out fast. So I bump the heat to 400 and put it back in for another half hour and bribe the children with rice left over the previous night.

When I check it again it is at temp and is nice and crusty. I let it rest for 10 mins and then go in to cut it. It was very tender. I cut myself and the kids (DH was not home) some of the roast. I also had some white potatoes from a can heated, but that's only because my children had opened it earlier in the day while they were playing school. Don't ask it's a long story.

Anyhow we all enjoyed our first helping and the three of us shared a second helping. This tasted awesome and I will absolutely make this again!

A wild update appears......

2011-07-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

Is it bizarre that I post so randomly on here? Yes, it probably is, but since this blog is mostly for my own venting purposes it will be fine.

As I type this my children drive their toys over my sorted laundry in the hall and my husband yells to me from the back of the house "Honey, have you seen my bow? You know, my old one that I don't really use anymore." Right, like I was the one to use his deer hunting bow last. Give me a little credit, I would have used the newer one.

Anyhow, over a month ago my husband and I started on a weight loss/get healthy journey. We are loosely using the "17 day diet by Mike Moreno. We stuck with it hardcore for the first 17 day cycle, but have modified it to fit our lifestyle. Doing so has allowed DH to lose over 30 lbs and I've lost over 15 lbs.

Woo hooo!!! This is HUGE for me. I'm on track to feeling healthier and more involved in life and I'm doing it WITHOUT MEDICATION!

Ok, that being said I wanted a place I could rate recipes that I make and until I find a better site to do so, this is it. So be prepared form some recipe sharing going on......

Covergirl

2011-04-27T10:57:00.000-07:00

As I have mentioned before, I am a BzzAgent and therefore I am able to try new products for free. I receive great coupons for these products to share - so please let me know if you are interested.

I am currently sampling Covergirl's new Natureluxe Collection.

I must admit when I was selected for the campaign I was sooooo excited. Who doesn't love free make up? I was giddy like a teenager.

According to the information I received with the product this "smooth silk foundation trades in a heavier emollient for a touch of cucumber water and a hint of natural jojoba and rosehip extracts. It provides a flawless coverage and a silky lightweight feel."

I agree and disagree. Before trying this new foundation I was/am using a powder foundation. So it was a bit of a change to go back to liquid. But I've used liquid the majority of my adult life so I was up for the task.

I agree that the product is silky. I really liked the texture of the foundation. But I don't necessarily think of it as light. It provides excellent coverage - although I found myself needing to use powder on top to control the oil. That's something I haven't had to do since I was a teen.

Along with the foundation came a Gloss Balm. There isn't a lot to say about plain lip balm, other than I wished I could have tried a different shade.

I've been using these products for the last three days. While my opinion may change as time goes on, I don't think that the products are amazing enough for me to change back from powder to liquid.

I will give you an update on my opinion after more time has passed. Who knows...I may fall in love with this stuff!

A long hard look at....

2011-03-16T03:53:00.000-07:00

Myself. I know, I know. But this blog is FOR me. Some of you crazy people just decided to come along for the ride.

So I'm in the shower this morning after I worked out. (Go ME!) As I've mentioned before the shower is my thinking time. So I realize that I'm processing a post from a "friend" on facebook from yesterday.

By "friend" I mean an acquaintance that I met at MOPS and have NEVER spent any personal time with her.

I realized that most of the times her posts are usually about abortion and how ppl that believe in abortion should be treated or she posts videos of extremists etc.

Abortion is her soapbox.

I get it. Totally. She is a conservative christian with a strong belief and very strong fingers to type said beliefs.

But here was my thought process this morning:

Wow...she is starting to get a little overzealous in her posts. I wonder if she thinks that's what she is supposed to do. I wonder if she realizes how that makes her look to the general public....

Then, for some unknown reason, I start getting angry. I'm guess that at this point Satan or some other demon stepped in and started soaping up my back....

All I could think was.....Is this what Christ would do? Is this how HE would handle the abortion thing? I mean, I studied Christs life in some detail and I don't recall ANYTHING that would point saying these types of things or acting like these extremists are.

I was mentally writing my response to her post. I was calling her out and making points that would show her ignorance and I could just feel this rage building and building...

Then I heard a still, soft voice say - Bekki - I will take care of it.

That's it. That's all it said. But it was enough. Who am I to take on a challenge like that? I run my trap about how I can't believe in anything until I get Holy Spirit Conviction - and then I'm trying to shove MY personal views down this poor girls throat.

It's not up to me to act just like the people I can't stand. It's up to me to act like Christ. To show Christ through my actions and not just my words.

So for now I stand in prayer. I prayed really hard in the shower, and I hope it caused the demon in there with me to burn a bit. I prayed for wisdom and understanding and authority.

I'm not sure what else to do but to unfriend her. We never actually talk, and her posts are just become to "crazy extremist christian" for me. I don't really want to be associated with anything like that. I think it limits my ability to show people what Christ is like.

Until God sees fit to tel me what to do - I will sit back and pray.

Wendesday What???

2010-09-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

Last night I was driving home from taking my civil service exam and I was able to catch a sermon on the radio.

I caught it in the middle, so I'm not certain who was preaching, or what the title even was.

But I like it. It was all about giving praise for EVERYTHING. If you hate your job, if you are broke, if you hate your house, if your husband irritates you....GIVE PRAISE for it.

God cannot bring you greatness until you do this. You must surrender all to him, otherwise he will keep these irritations and bad things so that you seek him!

So today I am making that change. I am going to start praising the Lord that my children don't pick up after themselves.

I'm going to praise the Lord that my husband is never home anymore, thanks to his job.

I'm going to praise the Lord that I have enough facial hair to grow a beard.

I'm gonna praise the Lord....

Tummy Tuesday

2010-08-31T10:37:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to find some ricotta cheese on sale the same week I found pasta on sale! You know what that means...

Stuffed Shells

I could not find my tried and true recipe, so I just used my imagination.

1 box Pasta Shells
1 Large Container Ricotta Cheese
3 Eggs
2 Cups Shredded Mozzarella Cheese
1 Cup Frozen Spinach - thawed
1 Jar Spaghetti Sauce
Salt
Garlic Salt or Powder
Parsley
1 Large Freezer Bag

Bring a large pot of water to boil. Add pasta shells and cook for about 12 minutes.

Meanwhile mix together Eggs, Ricotta, Mozzarella and Spinach. Add a couple shakes of Garlic Salt and Parsley.

Take the large freezer bag and put a scoop or two of the cheese mixture in the bottom.

After your 12 minutes are up drain the shells and rinse with cold water.

Cover the bottom of a 9x13 pan with a little of your sauce.

Snip the bottom corner of the bag with your cheese mixture in it. Start squeezing the mixture into your shells and place them in your pan.

Once you have used up all of your cheese mixture cover the shells with the remaining sauce.

You can now refrigerate the shells for a future meal, or pop them in the oven at 350 for about 35-40 minutes.

Add some garlic bread and a salad and you have a complete meal!!

Monday Movie

2010-08-30T10:20:00.000-07:00

This week's movie was actually a mini-series, but is now available in movie form via Netflix.

Lost in Austen

Here is the Netflix description:

After a dispute with her boyfriend, Amanda lands in the 19th-century world of author Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. While helping the Bennet sisters find husbands, Amanda accidentally causes problems that could alter the course of the tale. Throughout this British series, Amanda must balance her feelings for Mr. Darcy (Elliot Cowan) with her responsibility to the one of the world's greatest love stories. Jemima Rooper stars.

I didn't read far enough on Netflix to see that this is a United Kingdom drama. I mean, in my mind ALL movies are made in America.

However my ignorance didn't detract from this witty movie one bit!

I found myself thinking about it even after I watched it. I played certain scenes over and over in my mind and imagined how I would have handled certain situations.

This is a must see for any Jane Austen fans, time travel fans, and plain ol' romantics.

I rated it 5 stars.

Tummy Tuesday

2010-08-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

Fish version

I made a delicious fish this week and my family has requested that I make it part of our regular menu.

It was so simple and made up that I agreed. It didn't take much time and my daughter, the pickiest eater, had 2nds and 3rds, asked for it for breakfast (was denied) then ate 2 helpings at lunch. Good thing I made alot!

Ingredients:

1 bag frozen tilapia filets.
Lemon Juice
Paprika
Season Salt
3/4 Stick of butter
Pam
9x13 Pan

I purchased the whitefish Tilapia at Aldis. It's in the frozen section. I can't remember the price, but I will edit this post to reflect it next time I go.

I let the filets thaw, then "pammed" a 9 x 13 pan. I lay 4 filets in the bottom of the pan. I didn't want it to be too crowded. Since I made the whole bag I used 2 pans. I think I may have had 3 in one and 4 in another.

I sloshed drizzled lemon juice over all the filets. Then I took about 3/4 stick of butter and cut into "pats". I put a few pats on each filet.

Then I sprinkled season salt and paprika over top. I baked at 350 for about 40 mins total. Depending on how many you are cooking you want to start with 20 mins and go from there. You want them to be flaky but not dried out.

I served them with white rice and JJ's fried zucchini.

Let me know if you make them and what you think!

Homemade Laundry Soap

2010-08-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

A few months ago my fellow Frugal Frannie shared with me a recipe for homemade laundry soap.

I must admit this is a nice way to shave a few dollars off your monthly grocery bill. I've been using it for several months now and am still pleased with the product.

Here is the basic recipe:

1/3 Bar of Fels Naptha
1/2 Cup Washing Soda
1/2 Cup Borax
A 2 Gallon Bucket
A clean Gallon Jug

Grate the soap and put it in a sauce pan. Add 6 cups water and heat it until the soap melts. Add the washing soda and the borax and stir until it is dissolved. Remove from heat. Pour 4 cups hot water into the bucket. Now add your soap mixture and stir. Now add 1 gallon plus 6 cups of water and stir. Let the soap sit for about 24 hours and it will gel. You use ½ cup per load.

I have played with this recipe to suit my hard water. I've added an additional bar of soap grated and added with the Fels Naptha. I've increased the Fels Naptha to 1/2 a bar and I've changed water amounts to be 8 cups to start and dissolve, then 6 cups in the bucket and 1 gal plus 8 cups to the bucket.

When it gels it will look a little like egg drop soup.

I've also added some scent into the mixture. It doesn't seem to scent the clothing, but it smells nice when you start your wash load.

A few more tips:

Do not use fabric softener with a load of towels. This makes the towels develop a film and causes them to not dry as well.

If you fill your fabric softener cup with vinegar in each load the vinegar acts as a natural fabric softener. I promise, your clothes will not smell like vinegar once they come out of the dryer.

Monday Movie

2010-08-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

Timer

You can view the trailers and synopsis on the website here

This was a really cute movie. I love Indie flicks and this one was recommended by a trusted friend who shares my interests.

I viewed this movie via Wii Netflix.

This movie raises some great discussion questions.

Would you have a timer, if you could?

What if you were initially disgusted at the first meeting with your soul mate?

Are you betraying your soulmate if you date and/or have sex before you meet them, since you know the exact time you would be meeting them?

+++++Spoiler Alert - Do not read below if you haven't seen the movie++++

I must admit, the thing I thought about the most was "where have I seen the guy that plays Oona's soulmate?" Of course I googled it right away.

No wonder I was drawn to him. He is a main character on one of my fave TV shows, Dexter!

I highly recommend this movie to those that love romances.

Forming an LLC Step One

2010-07-31T20:15:00.000-07:00

The first thing we did was purchase a generic forms software from Staples. Our disc of choice happens to be Socrates Limited Liability Companies Made E-Z.

After playing around with this software for about an hour and getting really frustrated I started searching the internet.

What I found out was that I could go onto the Ohio Secretary of State website. There I was able to locate the preferred form for filing the Articles of Organization for a Domestic Limited Liability Company.

I filled out the form. DH and I signed the form. I am mailing in the signed for to the state with a check for $125.00 along with a SASE. After my form is filed I will move onto step 2.

Forming an LLC

2010-07-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

Well you don't know what we can find. Why don't you come with me, little girl, on a magic carpet ride.

Those lyrics were on repeat in my mind as I started this LLC process.

Who knew that this would be such a pain in the....well you know.

The even worse news? I'm only on step one. That's right. I'm a whiner.

Ok, I'll back up a bit. My DH and I decided, a few years ago, that it would be in our best interest to form an LLC. My DH does a lot of side jobs that he is paid cash for, and I may someday figure out what I want to be when I grow up. So, for liability sake, we should form an LLC.

Fast forward to present day, I have finally got around to starting this process. I'm doing as much research about it as I can, and trying to follow the advice of my mentors.

My goal is to update my blog on the steps of the process and keep my imaginary friends updated.

Stay tuned for Step One.

Cake Baking Mama....

2010-07-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

My daughter's birthday party was this past weekend. She turned 6. Well, actually she turned 6 on June 25, but due to time and money constraints we didn't celebrate it until this past weekend.

One things I did this year for both of my kids is to make their birthday cakes. I figure that at this age they will see my baking and think it's totally AWESOME.

The rest of us all know that it's not so great.

But I thought I would share some pics anyhow.

Here is the first cake:

This is a "Barbie" cake my daughter liked the idea of. I say this because I only had a written description of the cake to go by. I think it turned out pretty cute...and it was pretty easy.

Here is the second one:

This is a picture of two pair of flip flop cakes. Kya actually picked this cake out. It had ice cream in the center and whipped cream as the icing. I didn't get to taste this cake, so I'm guessing it tasted pretty good.

Yes, I made two cakes. We cannot possibly have a small party. All of our friends are too dear and important to us to ever consider not inviting them to party with us. Even if the party is centered around children of all ages skating their heart out in a skating rink, in July, with no air conditioning.

We are just lucky enough that almost everyone invited shows up.

A major life change...

2010-06-14T15:09:00.000-07:00

So I decided I am done smoking.

For good.

I hope.

I'll be honest, I get mild anxiety attacks when I think about it. I know, I know. It's a good thing. I have mentally made a list of all of the wonderful reasons I am quitting. My friends and family are cheering for me. They are all very supportive.

But I'll be honest. I loved smoking. Smoking was MY thing. When my husband would take the kids somewhere and I would be alone I could smoke in peace and enjoy myself....

Now what am I going to do when I have some free time? From the looks of things I'll be blogging. Which is good as it keeps my hands busy.

Pray for me as I start this difficult life change!

I love to try new things...

2010-06-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

I think everyone that knows me is very aware that I LOVE to try new things. Well thanks to Jen's recommendation I've found a great site that allows me to do this - FREE!

I am a BzzAgent! This allows me to try new things and share what I did, or did not, like about the product. I've been a member for about a month now and I am currently in one campaign. I'm still learning the ins and outs - but so far it's been pretty easy to navigate.

Come visit my BzzSite and see what it's all about!

Tax Time

2010-02-23T09:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's that time again. There are always two camps of people during this time of the year.

Camp 1:
These people KNOW they are getting money back, and alot of it. They usually have their taxes done by the end of the first week of February and usually have it spent within days of getting their check back. You can easily spot these people. They are going out to eat ALOT and buying large ticket items. It's a beautiful time of year for them.

Camp 2:
These people KNOW they are going to owe money. They wait until the very last minute to file and when taxes are mentioned they sigh and groan. Their life doesn't really change much, other than to be inconvenienced by the task of getting their taxes filed.

I really, really wish I was in the first group. I wish that I looked forward to the beginning of each year as a countdown to getting a lump sum of "free" money.

Unfortunately I'm not in that group. DH and I decided a a few years ago after listening to RICH DAD, POOR DAD that we were foolish to give away our money to the government thru the year. That our cash flow would better to take the most exemptions we could and have better cash flow throughout the year.

Don't get me wrong. The rest of the year we are pleased with our decision. We are very seldom tight. We can spend money any way we want. We go out to eat whenever we want. In a few short weeks we usually can save up for big ticket items we want or need. But we don't get "spending sprees".

I read an article in the paper this week that said that by getting large refunds families are missing their budgets by $300 a month - sometimes going into the hole, accumulating late fees etc, while they are overpaying their taxes by $400 a month. That by putting aside money for a big refund they are giving the government their hard earned money and allowing the government to use it as they see fit.

I agree. It's more important to me to be comfortable 12 months out of the year, not just "quick rich" for one month. So why am I so bummed that I don't get a big spending spree during 1 month of the year?

I swear I never learn...

2010-02-09T14:18:00.000-08:00

Today I decided to do some couponing and to get some much needed groceries before the snow set in.

What I thought would be a 4 hour trip turned out to be an 6 hour trip. I did not factor in that some of the coupons I needed were in my husband's car at his work.

I also did not factor in the amount of time taken up by my son becoming possessed by a demon.

Now I've blogged on this before. I know that it takes about 2 hours for my children to become possessed once we've started shopping.

For some reason I was hoping that since I only had my son that the demons would not enter his body.

I was very wrong. At right around the 2 hour mark he started touching people. I don't mean walking up to them and touching them I mean he was walking along, dragging his fingers on the items on the shelf, and if a person was standing there he drug his fingers along them too.

This made for a very red faced mom! I was apologizing with a smile on my face while squeezing the bejabbers out of his arm as I held him behind me. Then when we walked into an unoccupied aisle I got on his level and gave him a firm warning. Where he cried and said he was sorry that he was starting over.

Then a few seconds later....he's doing it again. When I reach into my purse to pull out my handy dandy whipping spoon he promptly throws himself on the floor and creates a HUGE drama.

So I did what any mom would do....

I walked away and pretended he was someone else's kid.

Yet another use for Ziplock Freezer Bags...

2010-02-03T13:50:00.000-08:00

So my kids decided that they wanted to see if they could fly. I remember wondering the same things as a child and decided not to say anything and just observe.

First they climbed onto a box that is in the living room (waiting to be taken to storage) and jump off flapping their arms.

They flapped their arms like crazy and were convinced that they flew just a little bit. But they needed a softer landing.

So they pulled the cushions off my couch and chair, lined them up and covered them with blankets.

Then they tried again. They discussed amongst themselves and decided that the landing was AWESOME but they needed to get more height. So they put another tote on top of the current tote and jumped flapping their arms with all their might.

The conversed again and decided that they flown even higher, but they needed something to give them more lift.

At this point my princess runs into the kitchen and gets into my baggie drawer. She pulls out 4 of the gallon size Ziploc freezer bags. She gets a pair of scissors for her and her brother and then instructs him how to measure his wrist and cut a hole in the bottom of the baggie.

She then helps her brother slip his baggie on and "ziplocs" them around his upper arms. He returns the favor and now they both have wings.

They climb back onto the box and proceed to "fly" for the next 45 minutes. Each time convinced they had stayed in the air even longer. Each sibling was responsible for observing the "time in air" for the other.

I am so blessed to have children that can play together, be imaginative, show teamwork and use problem solving skills. All without a word uttered from me.

Well - ok - I did say something. It was along the lines of -

"If you two break something - either my candleholders or your body parts - you are getting a whippin."

That's Mom of the Year stuff right there.

So clear and yet I still didn't see it.

2010-02-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

So today I had MOPS. I mentioned in my post below. This is my Mothers of Preschoolers meeting.

Today the speaker talked about The 5 Love Languages. As I've stated before, this is familiar territory.

But one this that became clear to me....I can use this with people in my life BESIDES my DH.

My life will be so much better (I hope) if I fill my kids, mother, and friend's love tanks.

I spent some time today figuring out what language my kids speak. Unfortunately they speak languages that are difficult for my.

My princess speaks Words of Affirmation as her primary and physical touch as her secondary.

My prince speaks Touch first, and Quality Time second.

The Words of Affirmation are pretty easy. Which is probably why princess and I get a long for the most part.

It's all so clear now. Physical touch for me is very low in importance. So I avoid it. That's not to say that I'm not affectionate with my children. I am. They are always getting hugs and kisses. But they need more than that.

Now that I GET IT I can be pro active with this and fill up my kiddos tanks. Which should make for a happier more cohesive family unit.

Let me know what you think. Has anyone out there tried this with their own kids? Is it logical? Any success stories? If anyone has any questions please post them as well. I would love to help walk you through the thought process on this one.

Love Language #3 - Acts of Service

2010-01-27T13:33:00.000-08:00

In our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group we are going to have a meeting where speakers will discuss the 5 love languages as written by Dr. Gary Chapman.

I have read The 5 Love Languages and so has my DH. We read it MONTHS ago. But we have never discussed it. I've never asked him what he thinks is my love language, or what he feels is his.

Just a quick run down - you really should read this book if you haven't already!

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

I think we all need a little of all of the love languages.

My primary language is Acts of Service. My DH's primary language (I think) is physical touch.

For me - Acts of Service include, but are not limited to, the following:

Doing Dishes
Doing Laundry
Changing my Oil
Putting Gas in my Car
Putting Air in my Tires
Picking up the Living Room
Brushing my hair
Rubbing my back
Rubbing my feet
Taking the Trash out
Cooking a Meal
Playing/Interacting with the children so they forget about Mom for a few minutes
Cleaning my fishtanks
Dusting
Getting Rid of Cobwebs
Etc.

Here is the problem. I'm a SAHM - as I have previously stated. My DH's work schedule requires him to work from appx. 4:00 a.m. to appx. 6:00 p.m. - sometimes later - sometimes overnight.

This means that the responsibility of children, homework, meals, dogs, discipline, bill paying, bathtime, bedtime, laundry, car maintenance - well everything - falls on me.

When DH IS home I don't feel it's fair that I ask him to do - well - anything. Because when he comes home he is usually cutting firewood. If he has ANY free time - he spends it hunting or preparing for hunting. That's his relaxation.

Which explains why our relationship is usually at an impasse. He doesn't have any energy or desire to do what I need to fill my tank, aka the Acts of Service mentioned above.

When my tank is empty - which it usually is - I don't feel like touching him or feeling physical in any way. Which then makes HIS tank empty. And the vicious cycle goes on and on.....

The question is - how to break it? How to fill up each other's tank.

I would venture to say the first step is just confirming that my guess about his primary language is true.

We better hurry - Valentines Day is around the corner!

To Go from Chore.....To Choice

2010-01-17T10:37:00.000-08:00

The title of this blog came from the sermon I heard at church today. That statement reached out and smacked me in the face.

This statement needs to be applied to my life in both spiritual, emotional, and physical ways.

There are so many things in my life that I view as a chore. Cleaning, bathtime, bedtime, getting up and getting DD up for school, paying bills, reading to my kids, laundry, sex, feeding my fish, I mean, I could fill an entire page of because most of time what I am doing feels like a chore.

This week I am going to use the scripture references from the sermon to find a way to make these things go from a chore to a choice. These things, plus bible reading and prayer journal time.

I'm not sure how long that takes.....but the important thing is I'm starting it.....today.

Good bye 09

2009-12-31T14:27:00.000-08:00

So here it is....the last day of 2009. A day full to the brim of bright expectations of the year yet to come.

Of course, tomorrow harsh reality will settle in. Some of us will be hungover. Some of us will wonder who we are waking up beside.

Some of us (aka me) will wake up just like any other day. Stumble to the bathroom, then stumble to the kitchen to run the water for my oh-so-needed coffee. Then while the coffe is brewing I will pull away hands that are tugging at my shirt, begging for cereal, or more likely pickles.

I'll breathe a deep sigh and smile - grateful that I have these small ~~pests~~ blessings.

After finishing up my coffee and breaking up several fights I'll start a load of laundry and unload the dishwasher. All of the previous nights feelings of hope now washed away by the daily ugly grind.

Sigh.....

But tonight - I'll not think about that. Tonight I'll think about all of the fantastic, amazing, wonderful things that are going to happen to me and my family and friends in the year 2010.

I'll think about those wonderful things - and sip some moonshine. Cause that's how I roll.

Tithing in 2010

2009-12-28T17:32:00.001-08:00

I'm not even sure I spelled that right. But it's an issue that's been on my mind. According to legend (ehem) and to some according to God via the bible we are supposed to tithe 10%.

Now - no one is really sure if that means 10% of money - or 10% of time + money or what the exact combination is.

So I decided to try to figure out if we could afford 10% of straight money.

It's a good possibility that with some going without luxeries...we could.

Is that what God intended? Then what about the time I donate to the church - is that just bonus?

Then I felt guilty about giving less than 10%...

I just don't know where to stand on this one....

Is Santa to be....or not to be......THAT is the question.

2009-12-23T12:45:00.001-08:00

Today at playdate an interesting topic came up. There were 4 of us moms there. Two of them had decided to tell their children from the get go that Santa does not exist. Two others (one being myself) felt that it was important that our children believe in Santa.

This was brought to light by a post a member of our church had put on facebook. I haven't read that post, but the way it was explained to me was that this mom didn't want her child believing in Santa because when she grew up a bit and found out that truth that she would think her parents lied to her not only about Santa, but our Jesus Christ, and God.

WOW!!!! What a presumption. I was raised in a fairly "religious" home. Both of my granndfathers - my mom's dad and my dad's dad, were pastors up to their deaths. We were raised in church. I cut my teeth on the back of the church pews. Yet it was never a concern about if we should believe in Santa or not.

We were taught from day 1 about the true meaning of the season. The birth of Jesus. The glorious miracle that took place a long time ago. Never once in my mind did I think that Santa had anything to do with the birth of Christ. When I determined that Santa wasn't real, I NEVER thought that made Jesus not real. Same with the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy.

I have another friend who was, for a long time, a single mom. She chose to tell her kids that Santa was fake because she wanted her kids to know that SHE was responsible for the presents, not some jolly old elf. That logic I can understand.

But why can't kids have some magic when they are young? Why do we have to confront them with life's harsh realities at such a young age? I have yet to meet someone that said "Ya know, my life would be sooooo much better if my parents hadn't let me believe in Santa for a few years."

I know that everyone has to make a decision for their family that they feel is right. And it is only correct that I respect their decisions and do not judge them for it. Lord knows I don't need anyone judging me for mine.

So I can tell what time...

2009-12-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

of the month it is. I'm not going to go into TMI. But today, while driving to DD's christmas party, Little Drummer Boy came on the radio. I started crying while listening...just imaging what I would do in his place.

Sigh....I hate being a crybaby....

New Years Resolutions

2009-12-16T11:32:00.000-08:00

I already have my New Years Resolution. I only ever make one. Usually it's about weight loss.

For the first time in a long time, I'm not going to start my year off thinking about my weight and what I didn't lose last year.

I've always believed that what you say can eventually become reality. That is, if you say it often enough.

So this year, I vow to stop saying that I don't keep a clean house. I vow in the year 2010 that I will say outloud that my house is in order, and everything is in it's place.

I vow that I will write in my prayer journal that I get assistance in keeping an orderly house.

I've already begun this year by making my bed every day. You wouldn't believe what a big difference that makes.

If anyone is reading this, have you thought about your New Years Resolutions? What are they?

Selfishness

2009-10-02T16:20:00.000-07:00

Selfishness

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The quality or state of being selfish; exclusive regard to one's own interest or happiness; that supreme self-love or self-preference which leads a person to direct his purposes to the advancement of his own interest, power, or happiness, without regarding those of others.

Hmmmm....

I think I'm being selfish. After taking care of my boisterous 3 year old for 7 hours, then adding my 5 year old.

DH decides to go hunt for awhile. I tell him to go ahead. He doesn't often do things that aren't making or saving him money. He needs a little time out.

So now I'm going on 10 hours of sole kid responsiblity.

My heart sings when I hear DH talking on the phone on the porch. He is, at long last, home from hunting. I can take off my mom hat and put on the sign that says "GO ASK YOUR DAD."

DH comes in the house and starts taking off his hunting clothes. Tells me he needs to go work on our Belair. Asks me if I will handle the no scent washing that needs to be done to his clothes. Puts all the camo in a nice pile in the middle of my living room floor. Gets dressed in street clothes. Tells me to turn on my phone and he will text me pictures of the car.

I ask what time he will be leaving for the Hunter Safety Course tomorrow. He said he would find out and let me know, but probably first thing in the morning. He wants to take our Godson to breakfast before class.

So after all my waking hours are spent ~~dealing with~~ nuturing and loving my children I can look forward to nuturing them all day tomorrow.

But I do have a light at the end of my tunnel. I have book club tomorrow. I can leave at 5. If he's home from class by then.

I hate that I selfishly want him home so he can shoulder some of the kid burden. I mean, he works 50 hours in 4 days. Then works all day today on his mom's heating ditches for her new house and outdoor woodburner. He'll spend tomorrow at a Hunter Safety Course with our Godson. While I do grocery shopping with my children.

He'll spend Sunday cutting wood for my Grandma. While I'm at church.

Then we will go to life group together.

Then Monday he'll go to work and come home around 5 - leave for dog class around 6 - be home around 9 after kids are in bed.

He'll leave Tuesday morning around 3 am for out of state. Come home after I'm in bed Tuesday night. Go in to work 7 or so on Wednesday, hopefully be home so I can do my coupon shopping Wednesday night.

That's my night out. I am killing two birds with one stone. Well more than two birds. I'm shopping for my family. I am saving money by using coupons. I am having fun with JJ.

He'll be in bed when I get home because he needs to be up again at 3 a.m. to leave the state again. He'll be home Thursday night after I'm in bed. Friday he will either do more work for his mom at her new place, or cut wood. Saturday he'll either work on the car, or cut wood. Sunday he will cut wood. He sells it ya know.

And I feel guilty asking for an evening of not wearing the only parent hat. I am leaving for 4 days in a few weeks. He will be the only one wearing that hat. Unless his mom comes and stays. He hasn't said if she was or not.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Having a down day when I wish I was still on antidepressants. This weather doens't help.

I feel like Eyeore on Winnie the Pooh. Blah. I hate it.

Tomorrow will be better, I know it.

My hypocricy only goes so far....

2009-09-29T07:09:00.000-07:00

...that great quote is from the movie TOMBSTONE.

It came to my mind last night after mulling over a conversation DH and I had.

We have this friend. We will call him The Mentor. The Mentor and my DH are pretty close. My husband looks upon situations and thinks "what would Jesus do and what would The Mentor do". As The Mentor is an all around great guy, I encourage this.

During his daylight hours, The Mentor works a professional job. He is in a fairly high position. An opening has come up in his department and its his responsiblity to hire someone to fill this position.

After perusing the resumes he finds a local gal. Her resume looks fantastik. He calls the company that she did her internship with. Glowing reviews. They couldn't say enough great things about her.

Now the Mentor is really pumped. He thinks he's found the girl.

Then he goes on Myspace. Looks up all of the potential employees.

Let me just advise anyone that is thinking about applying for a job. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT have ANYTHING on your myspace page that you wouldn't want the following people to see:

Your Grandma

God

Jesus

Your mom

Your pastor

Your employer

This girl - who probably would be FANTASTIK at her job - is now not even going to get an interview call because of her Myspace page.

Do I think this is wrong? 100%

Do I think that it happens? All the time.

Here's the thing...I understand that an employer doesn't want to have immature sex addicts hanging around them.

As DH says...you are who you hang out with. You are who you put out there.

I looked up one of the profiles. I didn't see anything that would point to a potentional psycho path. I saw nothing that would indicate that she couldn't do that job.

But I'm not judgmental. I don't stay away from people with issues.

What a HUGE missed opportunity to introduce someone to the awesomeness of Christ and His Love.

I must admit...more walls are going up after this one. I thought the Mentor was pretty open minded.

Shows how wrong I can be. I don't want to be part of a group of people that judges based on your music style or hobbies.

One of these things is not like the other...

2009-09-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

Since my change from a working mom to a SAHM I've had some parts of me that are missing. I crave to be part of something that is in no way connected to my family.

I need to get over that. Let me share why.

I decided to sign up for the tech team at my church. I thought it would be fairly simple. I would show up to practice on the week it was my turn to run the board. Then I would run the board on that Sunday. Win/Win for all involved.

Then I attended my first meeting. YEEAAAHHHH, not so much win/win.

First part of the meeting we do a bible devotional. Really a cool thing. This devotional was about Truth. Even better. I like truth. Truth is important in all aspects of life.

Here's where it took a wrong turn. The group leader started talking about how the bible is black and white.

WOOP WOOP WOOP. Warning Warning.

I raise my eyebrows but say nothing, curious as to where this was going to go.

He goes on to say that there are not multiple ways to interprate what God says in the bible. That there is no color in the bible. It's steadfast, it says what it says and that it.

Ok - wait a minute. Last time I checked there were many ways to interprate many things in the bible.

That's what preachers do. They pick a verse and make it work for the theme they are preaching on.

So I started stewing. I was not in a position that I could start spouting my beliefs. I didn't want to be stoned before I completed my first technical training.

Then we went over the rules and requirements for persons wanting to belong to the praise/technical team.

One of the items was that you have to have "Public Life of obedience to God's word - your life outside of church will be observed by many who will see you in the community"

I completely understand why they have that in. People are judgmental by nature. They are EXTRA critical of those that they know are "christians".

Here's where my issue comes in. I do, on occasion, like to go out and tear up the town". I will hit the bars, dance, drink and be loud.

Does this make me less a christian? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that God didn't intend for me to stop having fun because I accepted him as my Lord and Saviour.

However, it does mean that I cannot be a major player in the church, however much my skills may be useful.

Hence the reason I need to quit trying to be part of something outside of my family.

Another step forward in my spiritual walk....

2009-08-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

So we all know from my last few posts I've been facing some interesting challenges in my life.

Another challenge that i haven't really talked about had "come to a head" so to speak. Then was addressed in a surprisingly pleasant way.

I've talked about my new Christian friends, and my frustrations with being their friend. Frustrations that, in a surprising turn, were really my fault!

One thing that DH and I have been concerned about lately is not feeling fed or uplifted after leaving church. When we first began about 2 years ago - we felt energized and refreshed after every Sunday.

Over the course of the last 6 months or so it hasn't been that way. We were ~~not so~~ surprised to find that many others felt the same way.

I had been praying about what to do. I figured that we would just have to start looking for another church. Which was painful because of the connections I, and my children, have made. But DH said that he wasn't interested in going to church anymore.

So - low and behold - my washer breaks. So one of the friends, that I was actually so hurt by just a week before, volunteers to let me use her washer.

Long story short, I was there ALL DAY. I shared my concerns with her. She was, most importantly, a listening ear. But then her DH came home. and I was very tense. I'll be honest. I feel as though he always feels he has to wear a false front around me.

But for whatever reason, not that night. Which was a first in over 2 years. And he was interested in what I had to say. I felt he really understood where I was coming from. We connected.

I was able to express my concerns. He was able to come up with feasible solutions - or the beginning steps of the solution.

Needless to say. It was refreshing. Like putting on clean laundry.

As if 2 aren't enough...

2009-08-24T12:04:00.000-07:00

I had three today. Kids that is. For some reason my nephew (by marriage) loves to come down here. He plays with my kids for as long as I can stand it. Or my kids can stand it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for playdates. But I usually have a few rules regarding play dates.

1. Not every single day. (Rule broken by the nephew - and subsequently his parents)

2. Usualy playdates are for 2-3 hours, unless the other parent is visiting. Then it can go on and on. When both parents are there to referee and take care of the kids - who cares how long they play? However when it's just one parent - totally not fair for it to be an all day thing unless previously arranged between the parents. (Rule broken by nephew - and subsequently his parents)

3. Always call and ask permission prior to coming over. The provides an out for the parent who would be hosting. This allows the hosting parent to mentally prepare him/herself. (Rule broken by newphew - and subsequently his parents)

Now you are probably wondering why I don't just tell him to go home. He only lives next door. But I HATE being the bad guy. I usually don't have a major reason that he can't play - so what do I do? I sigh and say - ok - you can play for a bit.

Eventually my kids start resenting him. He's not an ideal kid. They come to me and ask me to send him home, which I do - grateful to my children for providing an out.

I was told over a year ago by my sister in law and my mother in law that they felt it was very good for my nephew to play with my daughter (who is a year younger) because he shows him correct behavior and teaches him things.

Have I mentioned that he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer?

But on the same token - because my son is younger - his behaviour after spending time with his cousin - is HORRIBLE. He receives extra discipline events. Which I hate to do - and he hates to receive. However, unacceptable behavious is, well, unacceptable.

I sincerely hope that he stops showing up uninvited once school starts. Or I'm going to have to become "that bitch sister in law".

Sigh.....I hate drama.

It's ok to say no....

2009-08-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

Seriously. It is. This is a VERY difficult thing to learn. Especially for women. Most especially for me.

I must admit, because of my inability to say no my house has become neglected. Not the basics of dishes being done, or other mundane tasks such as that.

No, I mean I need to replace my kitchen floor. There is a hole in front of my fridge. A hole large enough for an small animal to get in. That's embarrassing to admit, but it's the truth. Unfortunately, in order to replace the floor I have to move my computer desk. Which has because the hot spot to dump stuff.

So.....I am going to start saying no to fun activities and to spending lazy days reading and to just enjoying my family and friends. No No No. I will focus on mundane chores and pain in the ass repairs.

Ok - who am I kidding?

That's not me.

I'm not going to lie to you or to myself.

Here's the full truth. It will get done. Eventually. I'm not worried about it.

The friends and family that love ME, and I mean MY FAMILY AND ME, and don't give two shits about a hole in my floor, or the clutter on my desk. That's who matters. That's what I am going to spend my energy thinking about.

That's who I'm going to spend time with. Not spend time worrying about what people think about my house or my hole in my floor. Or a stupid supper swap that two people who probably judge me on my house stepped out of. Who needs that kind of drama?? Not me.

I am ZEN.

Friendships

2009-08-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

I've learned over the past few weeks that friendships, and my views on friendships, are an ever changing thing.

I have a big problem in that I consistently overshare. While this endears me to my "secular" friends and causes friendships to grow, the same is not to be said of my "spiritual" friends.

This has caused me a lot of heartache.

When I re-dedicated myself to the Lord, and DH dedicated his life - we were so EXCITED! We quickly made a new group of friends that seemed to share the same values and ideas.

I'm sorry to say - but I kinda regret that now. I don't regret making new friends. I regret the pressures that come with these new friendships. And I don't think that is what God intended at all.

Now I am in a quandry. I want to pull away. I want to build walls and withdraw. That's my style. That's what I do when I'm faced with situations I don't like. I withdraw.

If I didn't have children, it would be an easy withdraw. Unfortunately, my children have made friends and will be going to school with a lot of these children. So they will question why we don't go do playdates anymore.

So I guess for now, I will do a subtle withdraw and place the ball in their court. If they contact me and request get togethers - then I will consider it. But it will be guarded. I will be silent. It's not safe to share with them.

What a sad, sad day that I feel as though I'm surrounded by people that make me uncomfortable in my own skin.

I'll be certain not to make that mistake again.

What I have found about Christian women being sexy.....

2009-07-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

and my own opinion on what I have found.

I did a google search on christian women desiring to be sexy. Not very much out there. I did find a FABULOUS sight. I think it was christiannympho.com. Very, very awesome.

That aside. The majority of sites addressing these issues were made for teens. Apparently only teenage girls have a desire to feel sexy. I like to believe that only teenage girls are honest about wanting to feel sexy.

Another thing I learned is that there are so many facets to this line of questioning. This is a major - sitting by the fire discussing for hours - type of topic.

Anywho, back to the tpic. So the main theme of the sites I found is that dressing sexy is ok - as long as it is strictly for your husband and done in the privacy of your home. That by dressing sexy outside of your home you are tempting your brother to fall, which is directly against God, according to these website's take on biblical text.

Wow....did my hackles raise on that one. My feminist sesibilities were appalled! Then I calmed down and remember to pray. Ummm hello?? Isn't that the most important thing I've learned? It's truely best to go to God and lay it all out. Asking him to imprint on me and to have the Holy Spirit convict me of what is right for me. That is truely the only way to know what God intended for me. I needed the Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts and feelings as I was preparing to take in new information.

So....my next step was to find said bible verse about causing a brother to stumble. I wanted the verse only so that I could look it up in my own bible. I found it.

Romans 14:13.

Here is what my bible said.

"Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way."

Wow. The first part of that I love. In my circle of friends - well, I'll be honest. In the majority of Christians, judgment is thick. It's not specifically stated, but more implied. Or maybe I'm just paranoid and it's not there at all! But regardless I've felt it. Judgment based on lower class. Judgements of rednecks and hillbillies. Judgment of Yuppies and Richies....Judgement on people "living in sin", judgment on those who just live life a little differently.

The first part also dealt with a topic I touched on in my last post. That I changed myself because of the way my new circle of friends viewed me and my "mom" status. Ummmmm...right there it states to stop passing judgment. When this verse is quoted, by both web sites and people I know in real life, that first part is always skipped over. Convenient.

So then I look at the last part. Do not put any stumbling block in your brothers way. I like that. I took it as - do not intentionally go to your brother and try to make him fail. Don't set up your friends for failure.

Side note: the majority of bosses I've worked for could learn from that verse right there.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:

Here is the part I don't like and havn't been convicted to believe otherwise. Adults are adults. They are VERY capable of making decisions. Good and Bad. So I look at it as if I dress sexy, or post sexy pictures, it is up to the other adults reading my blog to decide if they want to look. I'll be honest, I want people to look. Men and women. I like attention. I prefer only positive ones who look to build my self esteem by commenting. But I will take the good with the bad.

But I was still not sure. Am I making my brother stumble? I mean, adults are adults. But I don't want to go against God. So I decided to read the entire chapter that brought forth said verse to clarify my confusion. I suggest all should read this personally, from their own bible so that when they comment on my post I am certain we have all read the same thing. If you don't own a bible, please let me know and I will mail you one.

I'm going to state my own interpretation. It talks about not judging A LOT. It uses the example of religions who allow foods and those that don't. Who is right, who is wrong. But in verse 5 it states that

"Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind."

That's that Holy Spirit conviction I was talking about.

It also goes on to say if one persons does something and views it as special, so does the lord. If someone else does something similar and views it as special, so does the Lord.

To me that means that even though you did something different, both area special to the Lord. It doesn't make either thing MORE special. It also goes on to say that we are each personally accountable to the Lord. So don't worry about what your brother does, they will deal with it one on one with God.

Verse 15 - and I'm saying this in my own words - please read it for your self -

Says that if your friend is upset because of what you do, you are not acting in love. Don't let what you do destroy your friend.

Ergo another conflict for me. I say that what I do shouldn't upset my friends. That because of their love for me they won't be upset, but happy for me. I'll be the first to admit that my line of thought is selfish. But how I feel nontheless.

Then it starts talking about food again. Which irritates me. I start thinking. Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to take this? Am I supposed to substitute HNT pictures for the word food? Is that what God intended for me to do?

Or was this written, for all intents and purposes, to address food? GRRRRRRRRRR.... That will be one thing that God will explain to me in Heaven, I'm sure. It's on both of our "to be clarified" lists.

So, ergo, I pray again for Holy Spirit conviction. But I'm not getting any convicting vibes. I rest on the last part of the last verse.

Verse 22

"...because eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin."

So as long as I am fully convinced that those HNT pics are not wrong, then I am acting in faith, and I am all good.

Ergo - after prayer and turning to my bible and God I am ok with it. There is no guilt in taking those pics. There is no guilt in sharing those pics. I am not doing it with the intention of causing a brother to stumble, but with the intention of building up my self esteem and sex life. Issues which I have prayed that God provide a way to make them better. And it seems He has.

Amen.

There should be no guilt in feeling sexy.

2009-07-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

There, I've said it. Outloud. In front of everyone. Well, not everyone because I think only two people read my blog. But still.

Recently I've been caught up in being an "ideal" mom. Being an "ideal" wife. I've been dressing appropriatly for all occastions. Choosing outfits that don't show my cleavage or modifying ones that do. Not wearing anything super short. Letting my hair grown back to it's natural color.

Ok - I'm going to talk about sex. Stop reading if you feel it would be TMI. I'm giving you fair warning. I don't want anyone coming up to me and saying - "I can't believe you wrote that. I'm very disgusted" If you are easily disgusted stop reading now.

My sex life has had many peaks and valleys throughout the course of my marriage. My sex life has been at its best when I felt sexy. When I was doing HNT. When I was hearing others, not just my husband, tell me I looked hot. That made our sex life crazy!! Off the hook! My going after him agressivly every single day! We were happy, horny and satisfied with life.

Then my guilt kicked in. Comments from other mothers and wives about the inappropriatness of it. Guilt from the pulpit. So I tried to carry that on without - sigh - without feeling sexy.

Why does it take all that to make me feel sexy? DH is away a lot during the week. When he gets home, he is tired. Doesn't really have the energy to make me feel sexy. The sexiest comment I get from him recently is "Are you going to service me tonight?" Yeah, that's a huge libido killer right there.

My idenity as a women gets lost. It's nice to have reminders that even though I'm a bit heavy - even though I'm not the best house cleaner - I'm still a sexy woman.

Am I the only woman that needs to feel sexy? I mean, what's so wrong with that? Is there something I should be, besides write sexy posts and take HNT pics? Should I start doing my other blog again? Or am I crossing another moral boundry?

NKOTB 2009

2009-06-24T06:27:00.001-07:00

That's right. You read it. I went to see New Kids On The Block for the first time last night.

It was a riot. Liza won tickets (as usual) and call to the day before yesterday to le me know I needed to find a sitter. DH stepped up and offered to work late on Mondy so he could be home on Tuesday to watch the kids.

Fantastik.

So yesterday me, Liza, another toepick, Liza's brother, his wife and her friend all drove up to Blossom.

There was a dance crew first, then some little kid that sangs 2 songs I knew. Then NKOTB. They have all aged very well. However Jon hasn't aged at all. We only saw him on the screens once that night. We, obviously, were at the back of the lawn.

But we danced and sang our hearts out. Mostly we laughed.

One pet peeve at Blossom is that anyone that performs there wants to call us Cleveland. It's not Cleveland. It's Cuyahoga Falls. But that just doesn't roll off the tongue like Cleveland I guess.

I didn't take any pictures, Liza took them all. So if she e-mails me I will post them.

Of course I got home around 1 - and I had promised DH some "Mommy and Daddy time". So I wasn't able to sleep until around 2 - and my eyes are on fire this morning. Oh well. It was worth it.

Totally Fun. All through the concernt I kept thinking that I would rather be praising God.

Another Big Fat Slap in the Face...

2009-06-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

Wow....I am having a crappy week. I'm still dealing with major Drama from my sisters divorce. Being sucked in to the horrible high schoolish void has brought things to light that are very hurtful to me and I am trying to shove those feelings back into a dark corner in the back of my mind where I don't have to address them.

On top of that I found out today that the appraisal for our property didn't come in high enough for us to do what we want. We are still awaiting the actual appraisal so we don't know specifically why...but it was a crushing blow non the less.

I am feeling very emotional and angry today. I have held on to faith for so long. I have been the one to tell DH that he must have faith!! The Lord knows what we need. The Lord will provide...yadda yadda yadda yackity smackity.

I'm starting to believe that this is the best I'm gonna get. This is it. Because of choices that I made earlier in life - this is what I get.

I guess it's not that bad. A roof over my head. My belly is full. My kids are healthy and clothed. I'm just being selfish by asking for more.

I honestly try not to ask for much. I don't mind if I don't get anything for myself. I don't look for birthday or christmas presents.

But a secret small little place inside of me is begging. Please. Please. Please. Just let me have something really nice. A house of my own. A place that isn't over run by clutter and has complete floors, and no broken windows, and no drywall that needs replaced. Enough drawers in the kitchen for towels and utensils and silverwear. And a place for an effing dining room table. I would LOVE to have a table we could sit at and eat dinner together.

Sigh. Big Fat Sigh.

So we now have a new game plan. We are going to rent a pod thingie and move things out and re do rooms here. Eliminate clutter. Replace flooring. Replace drywall. Fix electrical outlets.

And live here. In this single wide trailer I HATE with a passion. For another 5 years. With DH being in a perpetual depression because he feels like he is working for nothing.

I will try to post pics of the work we are doing. To remind myself of how it used to look and how far we make it go. Maybe in 20 years, when we finnaly get our dream house, we will look back and say - wow - look how far we've come.

Book Recommendation

2009-06-11T20:37:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading a FABULOUS book. everyne is beautiful by Katherine Center. Wow.

Fan effing Tastik.

A brief synopsis I took from booksonboard.com is

Lanie Coates just piled everything she owns into a U-Haul and drove with her husband, Peter, and their three boys (all under four) across the country. She’s left her parents, her friends, and all of the comforts of home behind–all because Peter is going to graduate school. Lanie wants to support him while he follows his dreams, but she suspects she’s ignoring her own. Unable to shake the feeling that important aspects of her pre-mom life have gone missing, Lanie decides it’s time to change her life, but can she find herself without losing everything she holds dear in the process?

This book really hit home with me. I've talked about my fight with depression and I wish I had this book 2 years ago to let me know that everything I was feeling wasn't weird.

This book truely captures what it's like to be a mom of multiple kids and how you lose yourself. I love how she handles finding herself. I love her views on marriage. I fell in love with all of the characters.

This is totally out of my "romance" block that I usually read. I hope someone else reads this so that we can gush about how right on the author is. If you have read it, please let me know.

A visit from your neighborhood appraiser

2009-06-10T12:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, so as part of the home building process we have to have our property appraised. See what value of our property plus the new home equals what we need to borrow.

So on Monday I spoke to the appraiser. A very nice lady who told me that she was going to try to come out on Tuesday, but it would probably be Wednesday. I said no problem, if I leave on Wednesday, I will make sure my dogs are in the house.

That quickly, it went out of my mind. So Tuesday morning, I'm sitting at my computer, with my front door open, in my pajamas drinking some tea. My children were outside in their underwear.

Please note: my children playing in their underwear is an every day thing. They are both young, and we live in the middle of the woods. No one can see them but me, and I see them naked. So in their mind, underwear is equal to clothes.

Now that you have this visual......as I am sipping my tea I hear my dogs starting to bark. I sit up straight as I realize what they are barking about. I run to the door and yell to my kids to come in. I'm frantically waving my arms yelling for them to come in. My daughter keeps giving me a very quizzical look and saying "Why?". I said that we had company company and they were in their underwear. She said "So what?"

Before I could walk out and ~~beat~~ correct her, in pulls the appraiser. So I apologize to her about the state of my children and their undress. She laughs and says no problem.

She gets her stuff out and goes about her business, then yells a question to me. "Are you guys selling part of this off?"

At first I didn't know what she was talking about. Then I remembered...in my front yard DH had done some dozer work so it was all tilled up. Then, while I was grocery shopping, he took one of my real estate signs (remember, I used to practice real estate and am still a licensed realtor)and set the sign up in the tilled dirt.

Now, I'm sure you are thinking....why would he do that? What logical reason could he have for putting a realtor sign in their yard? No one can see it? We would never think of selling.

He put the sign in the yard TO SHOOT IT. He bought a new gun. He didn't have any targets to shoot at, so he took my sign out of the shed, put it into the ground, and shot it up.

As I explained this to the appraiser, I know she could hear banjo's in her head.

Wait, it gets better.

She continues doing her job....then starts kinda hopping over to me. I look down at her foot to see what happened.....yep, big pile of dog poopie.

She was wearing sandels.

I offer to turn on the hose for her, but that wasn't good enough. She needed to come in and wash it off.

Did I mention I hadn't done the breakfast dishes? Or picked up my kids after breakfast mess? Hadn't swept my kitchen floor? Needed to take the trash out??

Yeah, I'm curious to see what our places appraiser for now, LOL.

Life Groups

2009-06-10T12:29:00.000-07:00

Our church encourages its members to join Life Groups. Because we only meet on Sunday mornings, this provides an opportunity to get together with other like minded people and share life together.

Some people have really fab life groups. They are truely doing life together.

Ours....not so much.

Now this isn't anyones fault, per se. But something happened this week that really made this weigh on my mind.

Our life group leader was in a motorcycle accident on Friday. I didn't know about it until Sunday, at church, where I saw him all banged up.

This got me thinking....if something major happened in my life, would I contact anyone in my life group to tell them? I mean, theoretically that's what we are supposed to do. That's part of doing life together.

My answer is no, I wouldn't. And that makes me very sad. I feel like I'm missing out on something.

The only time we really see our life group is when we have our meetings. We don't "do life" together.

Who am I kidding? We don't even do life at our meetings. There is very little interaction and about 5% of sharing what is going on in our lives. I guess because I'm a put it all out there kind of girl, I think that others should too.

I don't know if there are excercises we should do as a group to bring us closer or if I'm just in the wrong group. I crave deep discussions. The ones that my "non-christian" friends and I have around a campfire, or at each others kitchen tables.

It would be nice to know that I could call on them in the middle of the night, but they would be the last I would contact.

I'm praying about it. Maybe God will send me a sign. Maybe, if the Lord wills, we get our new place we will start our own.

Who knows?

Wow I've been slacking off...

2009-06-10T12:23:00.001-07:00

Yeah, it's been since February since I last blogged. So much going on. Plus my life is pretty boring, and I don't have many things to talk about.

EXCEPT.....

We are in the process of getting a loan to build a place. Well, buy a modular home and have them truck it in and set it up on our property.

We had a sermon last week which reminded us that it's all in God's hands.

So If The Lord Wills (my current favorite saying)we will be in our new place by the end of October.

Little man has started the SPARKS program in lieu of pre-school.

I'm still couponing and doing pretty well at it. I'm actually doing a blog with a friend about it. I may post a link at a later date.

I'm down 6 lbs....and actually focused on eating right.

My sister is going thru a divorce and that is so much drama it deserves its own post.

Other than that...nothing much new.

Now, if I can only remember to blog more....

The most exciting thing to happen this week...

2009-02-14T08:20:00.000-08:00

I got a new purse. Yup, that's how hum drum my life is. I'm excited over a purse. It's not a prada or anything like that. Just a cheapo Walmart purse. But it's new, and I have a purse fetish..so I'm happy right now.

I'm praying about some decisions I need to make regarding direct sales companies, so please pray for me as well.

I was out of power for 2 full days, and the health department would condemn my house right now, so I should be cleaning instead of blogging.

My DH got me roses for Valentines Day. My Drama Queen daughter looked at my roses, started crying and said - "But I didn't get anything for Valentines Day!" Luckily my mom had mailed her and my son a card, and my MIL had sent them stuff for Valentines Day. I'll give that to them in a bit and maybe she will be overjoyed.

Ok...here are my goals for February - I know we are already two weeks in but better late than never:

1. Master the art of couponing and actually grocery shop instead of just buy what we need.

2. Clean and purge my cupboards in my kitchen.

3. Burn my candles to prepare for the massive amount I'm going to get at my partylite party.

4. Lose 5 lbs.

5. Get my home out of C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)

Bonus: Blog more often.

Update on Sex Sermons and various little things in my life

2009-02-04T11:23:00.000-08:00

I was speaking to a new good friend today and she, eh hem, oh so politely reminded me that I haven't blogged for awhile.

So today I am blogging.

DH and I started the sex challenge, but we've only done the sex part of it. We still have to do the emotional needs survey, and the journal. So we will be journaling several nights after everyone else.

Just for the record DH and I decided that as crazy as our lives are, and how often he's NOT at home, we weren't going to strive for 30 days of sex every night, but we would agree on a challenge of a minimum of 2 times a week, with the bonus points if we do it more than that.

That's enough to make him happy, and me not feel pressured to perform even if I'm exhaused. Although we've already used our two times, so I'm guessing that this will be a week with a few bonuses. LOL

On the mom front I went out on a limb today. I asked my new good friend if she wanted to come over to help me clean tomorrow for my Sensaria party. She's busy until 2, but might come over after that.

That was a HUGE thing for me. I don't even let Liza come over to help me. I love Liza, but I just can't imagine her coming over to help me clean and organize. My new good friend just has that vibe about her that she's totally cool about it, and it's something that she would enjoy. Liza and I would probably end up doing everything but clean and organize. Plus I live pretty far from Liza, and she has a pretty full plate right now, with working extra hours, and getting her oldest on and off the bus...so our schedules don't jive much right now, except on weekends.

I am really worried about the party though. My pastor's wife will be doing it, and I'm afraid that she will take one look at my place and be like "I like Countess and all, but I am NOT letting my kids play over there". I mean, I do my dishes, and sweep and vacuum my floor, but there are places on my kitchen floor that my dog has chewed, and places on my carpet the dog has chewed, and I've house broke about 7 dogs here. But I've carpet scrubbed my carpet, and I never let the messes sit or anything. It's never smelled like pee or poop at my house. It might smell a bit like dog...but never poop.

Oh well. It is what it is, and we are stuck with it for 5 more years. So there is no sense in not letting anyone over EVER, which is DH's thought. If someone isn't comfortable, then they don't have to come over, right???

Ok, that's enough updating for now. I have but a brief time to nap, so I'm going to take advantage of it.

So I got some interesting answers and things to talk about from last night.

2009-01-29T06:45:00.000-08:00

Last night a group of us girls from church met for dinner and conversation. While a bit awkward for me, all around it was a good time.

I had given a lift to our Pastor's wife and was dropping her off when the interesting part began. My pastor and his wife are very young, and that is very nice for DH and I.

They are also very progressive thinking (compared to my Grandpa) and are both very knowledgeable.

The main thing I learned last night is that while you can be shown where it agrees or disagrees with something in the bible, the holy spirit must convict you in order for it to be real.

That makes SOOO much more sense to me. The hard part is being open for the holy spirit to move.

Then I came home, and got up this morning to surprise my hubby with a little something something before he had to go to work. But he started talking and quickly convinced me that he didn't deserve such a nice thing, and that I had married a selfish, control freak, asshole husband.

Am I surprised? No.

Sex Sermon Starts Sunday

2009-01-27T04:55:00.000-08:00

Oooo...that's almost a tongue twister. I'm looking forward to it. I'm hoping it will open communication regarding our sex life. Don't get me wrong, sex is good. But it could be better. More intense.

I'm still waiting to hit my "30's" peak that Liza is always going on about. Maybe it's because she's thin? I don't know. My body isn't craving sex all the time. As a matter of fact my libido is kinda low.

It was higher when I was doing HNT pics. But I've stopped doing them because I'm morally confused.

Sometimes morality is a great big stick in the mud.

The sex sermon

2009-01-13T07:22:00.000-08:00

Our church is doing a sermon in February about sex and intimacy in marriage. I have been lucky enough to be asked to be part of an "advisory" panel to let the pastors know what people think of certain aspects of the sermon prior to preaching it.

So we all met Sunday night. It was the head pastor and his wife, the youth pastor and his wife, and about 4 other couples, then myself and DH.

All and all it was a good time. I like to think that everyone shared openly.

There is one gentleman, we shall call him Mr. Smug, or Smugsy. It's a good thing that our worlds don't cross very often. I could see some very heated discussions. He is of the belief that, according to the bible, wives are to submit to their husbands and basically do as they say.

Hmmm...I have major issue with that. Which if I express that it opens up a WHOLE big can of worms regarding my thoughts on the bible.

So, lets hope for now Smugsy and I keep our relationship to a polite hello on Sunday mornings.

Did I mention Smugsy and Mrs. Smugsy are part of the "beautiful people" of the church. Yeah that doesn't help his case with me either.

Man I have a lot to work on. This blog was SUPPOSED to be about the sex sermon. I better log off before I say more.

Parenting Styles

2008-12-23T10:25:00.000-08:00

Liza and I had a pretty deep conversation the other night that really got me thinking.

What, exactly, is my parenting style? What are my rules? What are my black, white and grey areas concerning my kids?

I'm reading a FANTASTIC book right now called Making Your Children Mind Withou Losing Yours.

I am totally in sync with this book. I realized that I was already doing a lot of the things in it, and it is giving me ideas of way to correct myself.

I will probably be quoting from this book a lot.

One thing that has helped recently is what to do when they cry and throw a fit. I had tried yelling, whipping, time out - you name it.

But the book suggested that you simply remove them from your presence. They are doing it strictly because they know you are watching.

So now when the crying/whining starts, I simply pick him/her up, calmly tell them that they need to stop, put them in their room and let them know that when they calm down, they can talk to me.

Little man is my most STUBBORN one. Last night I had to put him back in his room 8 times before he quit crying. But it worked. With no beatings and my blood pressure barely went up.

Whew. Now, if I stick with it...it should work.

I'm back at square one

2008-12-18T11:02:00.000-08:00

So my house has gone to the dogs in the last few days. I haven't been able to do much because my babies both ran high fevers for two days and just wanted mommy to hold them, and get drinks for them...plus I was EXHAUSTED.

No one else picked up the slack (as if). So everything just piled up. But no worries. DH told me that while he was on layoff HE was going to get our bedroom cleaned up and organized.

Yeah right.

Just like he wouldn't wait 6 months to install my ice and water on my fridge and it's been now.....5 months....He has one month to go.

Whatever. He talks a lot of crap. I think he lives in his own little world where he is the perfect father and husband simply because he works himself to the bone.

I need more. I guess I'm selfish.

What % do u give, and I'm not talking about Christmas gifts.

2008-12-10T11:12:00.000-08:00

Today was Storytime at the Library. I look forward to this because I want my little man and my Princess to love books as much as I do. But I also love the interaction with the other moms at the McDonalds afterwards.

Today I was complaining about DH. Well, not really complaining just discussing that I gave in a agreed to not nap, and to clean at least 7 hours of the day.

But I wasn't very gracious about it. I was trying to be positive, but it was difficult.

One of the moms asked me if I feel that I give 100%. Because DH gives more than 100% to provide for us.

I really thought about it.

I don't.

I'm not sure why. I guess because my definition of 100% is going non stop and cleaning and organizing and having my home look like Liza's.

But I don't know that I have it in me to give 100%. I can only do so much, and then I get burnt out. And as one of the moms pointed out, eventually the energy drinks won't work anymore.

I don't know what to do.

How do I give 100%? I can never get a clear answer from anyone on how they do it?

I'm trying to get at least one room a day completely organized and cleaned, while still keeping up the living room and the kitchen. Which that takes a TON of energy.

I just don't understand how everyone else does it.

This is a venting post - prepare yourself for some major complaining

2008-12-08T12:45:00.000-08:00

I am SUPER mad right now. DH and I just had a major fight because he came home and I was napping. Now I've said before...I love to sleep. It's one of my favorite pastimes.

I asked him what he needed to see done when he got home in order to make him happy. He said have the dishes done and living room clean. I did that, plus laundry, plus bathed kids and sorted and organized and got rid of a lot of clutter.

But does that matter NOOOOO.

He finally came clean. His mother and other SAHM's DO NOT SLEEP. So napping is unacceptable to him. What is acceptable is cleaning for 7+ hours a day. According to him, there is always something to do, so I should be up doing it. With a smile, and have dinner ready for him, and perform my wifely duties.

I AM SO BEYOND PISSED.

But what can I do? I want to stay home with my kids. My only other option is to go work. Do what he wants, or go to work.

I have to go, my kids are asking for me to beat them.

My Monday Confession

2008-12-01T05:16:00.000-08:00

Ok, I was going to make Mondays Monday Mission. But since I've added Tackle it Tuesday, I think I'll stick with Monday Confession.

So here is my confession for today:

I feel like it's 3 against 1 in the family. I don't mean emotionally. I mean work wise. I feel like I am constantly cleaning. No one helps. Don't get me wrong, if I scream and repeat myself 14 times, my daughter will take her clothes that she just took off in the living room back to the laundry baskets, but that's more effort than it's worth.

Same with toys. My daughter obeys my rule and only has 1 baby in the living room. My son somehow gets several trucks, then dumps a puzzle etc. He's only 2. I'm not really sure what I can expect from him.

Then there's my DH. Don't get me wrong. He picks up his clothes and takes them to the hallway. He carries his dirty dishes to the sink. But he doesn't rinse them off.

I do all the laundry, wash all the dishes, picks up all the rooms. No wonder my house ALWAYS looks a mess. I'm the ONLY one doing anything about it, and I'm only one person.

Anyone ever felt the same? Anyone have any suggestions. I don't want to ask for help from DH becaus cleaning and stuff is now my "job".

I'm frustrated.

Tackle it Tuesday

2008-11-25T10:54:00.000-08:00

So today I started something similar to My Monday Mission. This is called Tackle it Tuesday. There is a lovely site with some information if you click the icon above.

Here is my mission, my kitchen:

Since we have rescused another dog, the doggone (hee hee) dog crate is in the middle of my already impossibly small kitchen. So my goal is to get the crate and put it somewhere else.

I just don't know where yet.

For those of you that are organized, or clean freaks, you may not want to view any of my pictures as your heart will stop.

Here's another picture of the carnage:

So somehow I have to figure out how to get my kitchen back. So that cooking is pleasant, and I don't hurt myself everytime I turn around.

Any suggestions?

My Monday Morning Confession

2008-11-24T05:46:00.000-08:00

My confession for today is:

I wanted to delete this blog and create a new one. But I couldn't do it. I am going to share this blog with some people from church. If they aren't comfortable with it, they don't have to read it, right?

I feel very exposed, but I'm doing it.

The other portion of this post is to let you know that My Monday Morning Confession will be changed to my Monday Mission. I plan on using this to take pictures of projects I'm working on and the progress (or lack thereof). I'm hoping that by sharing it will motivate me to get things done. Instead of sitting around and watching Franklin.

I'll probably post my first mission later today. When I get the pictures taken. It's a scary mission, should I chose to accept it.

Still Adjusting

2008-11-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

So I'm still adjusting to my hopefully temporary Stay At Home Mom status. However I did have a run in with some beans for the bean bag. Here are some pics...

Ntoice the little white things on the floor and the stuff everywhere. That's because I had to move my furniture to to get the busted bag of little white balls. My children had "accidentaly" busted the bag when trying to retrieve a ball. So I had to shovel, literally, little white balls into a trash bag and then sweep.

Here's another pic of the destruction....

So after several hours, one meal, breaking up several fights, an hour talk with my very much missed Auntie CH....I finally got the floor to look like this:

I just don't know

2008-11-19T11:36:00.000-08:00

So this morning was library/story day and McDonalds with the other SAHM's. This is such a difficult adjustment. We just got home and I put the kids down for a nap and I don't know what to do with myself. There is so much housework that it's overwhelming and I'm not sure where to start. Plus part of me just wants to veg while the kids aren't up my backside. I just don't know what to do.

I know I need to make a list of projects and I need to set forth a scheudle for myself. It's wonderful having other SAHM's that are giving me ideas of things to do, however they have all been doing this awhile and have their days scheduled and planned and their houses are perfectly clean and.....can you tell I feel inadequate. My self worth is very low right now, and I'm not sure how to raise it back up, short of landing another job. Which I don't know to do until I have to.

Anyone want to give me an example of their day so that I can take ideas to model my own?

Thanks

Monday Morning Confession

2008-11-17T05:48:00.000-08:00

So this morning I am confessing to not having a job. Well, I still have the job of wife and mother. But I was downsized on Friday. A complete and total shock to both of us. My kids love it though. They hated going to my sister in laws.

So this morning I start my new job of stay at home mom. So far I'm a slow goer. I still need to do breakfast dishes, and I have to shower and get my kids dressed because we have running we need to do.

I hope I can train myself to be as good of a stay at home mom as I was an admin.

Please pray that God reveals his plan for myself and my family.

Wednesday Weirdness

2008-11-12T04:35:00.000-08:00

WW #29
1.) When was your last visit to an emergency room? What happened?

I broke my arm in a backyard demolition derby. The hospital staff didn't believe that it was broken. Once they reviewed the x-rays they apologized for how rough they had been moving my arm. Then they refused to let my boyfriend (now husband) back into the room with me because they were convinced that I was lying about the demo derby and that he had broken my arm. I kept getting asked -

So, how did this happen.

I was in a Demo Derby in the back yard of a friend.

Ok, so did he push you down the stairs?

Huh?? No, I was in a Demo Derby in the back yard.

Did he use his hands, or a baseball bat or golf club?

Ummm, no. I seriously was in a Demo Derby in the back yard.

And so on....

2.) Who do you look more like: Mom, dad or another relative?

I look the most like my youngest sister, Little Miss Can't Be Wrong. or rather, she looks like me and we both look the most like our Dad.

3.) What sounds annoy you?

This pages doesn't hold enough space for me to describe what annoys me. However the thing I think of first is immaturity in adults.

Two quick examples:

At our Christmas Party last year my boss started throwing spit balls and wadded up paper that was hitting the people at the table behind us. When I advised him of that he said "Fuck em". Nice eh?

At a Women of Faith conference I went to some girls took some pantyliners and colored them with red marker in the middle then stuck them to our "Leader's" door. They thought that was soooo hilarious. I was so angry that I couldn't speak and it wasn't even my door.

4.) What are three movies could you(or have you) watch(ed) over and over and still love?

Labyrinth
Princess Bride
Tombstone

5.) Do you ever wish you were someone else?

I never wish I am anyone else. I just wish I was a thinner, more toned me.

6.) What do you think of when you think of Paris?

Eiffel Tower. Dirt. Smarmy men.

7.) What' s the last sporting event you watched?

UFC Unleased - MMA is the only sport I will watch.

8.) What do you think about sexual Role Playing?

I think it sounds like fun. But I've never done it. Count be a good way to spice up a dull sex life. But it would take a willingness on both parts. Just one can't roleplay.

Monday Morning Confession...

2008-11-10T04:40:00.000-08:00

I am waaaayyyy to sensitive about my mothering skills. We were at our small group/Life group on Sunday. My son decided that he would have a COMPLETE meltdown as we were leaving. As he was melting down my husband decided that he would share with our friends/life group leaders that my child was melting down because I never stand up to him. That I let them have whatever they want and give in to them.

I'll admit it, I do a lot of time. I CAN'T STAND for my kids to cry. I don't know if its because when they were babies I was the one to answer their cries, or if it's something wrong with me.

My self preservation says - it's not MY fault. I'm basically a single mom and I'll do whatever it takes to have peace and quiet. I'm the one that puts them to bed. I'm the one that prepares their food. I'm the one that's changed 95% of their diapers. I'm the one that stays up with them if they are sick or have a nightmare. I'm the one that takes them to all of their doctor appointments. Me Me Me....so of course they are going to cry for me. Of course they want me to do everything. I ALWAYS do everything.

So this week I'm praying that the Lord helps me to be able to listen to them cry, and to be more firm and resistant to their pleas, because in the long run it will make them stronger and better children and adults.

Thoughtful Thursday

2008-11-06T04:22:00.000-08:00

I have not been doing devotionals. For those that aren't familiar with them, devotionals are little stories that you can read, and they have questions at the end that make you review yourself and your life. They are based on biblical truths, and really make you get into the bible.

Doing these devotionals brings an inner peace and a closeness with God. I miss that. I need that.

I haven't been making time for God in my daily life. Yes I pray. I pray a lot. I pray with my kids, I pray when I'm driving, I pray when I look at my weekly sticky note of people to pray for.

But I don't take time to just listen to Him, and focus and meditate on him.

It would be better for me if I would make that time. Reading while going to the bathroom doesn't seem right. But that's the only time I really have to myself.

Any suggestions on that?

Wednesday Weirdness

2008-11-05T05:07:00.000-08:00

Wednesday Weirdness #28

1. If you were in a situation where it was either starve to death or resort to cannibalism, would you resort to cannibalism to stay alive or let yourself starve?

It would depend on if the person died naturally, or if I had to kill them. I don't know that I could do it, but I've never been on the brink of starving to death...I think if you are in survival mode your body forces you to do things you never would do. I know that if I were to die first, I would instruct those still alive to eat my body, because my spirit would be long gone....

2. Do you know all of the words to the National Anthem and The Pledge of Allegiance? Yes I do, do I need to type them here to prove it?

3. Do you consider yourself a leader or a follower?

I used to be a leader now I'm a follower. Until I get irritated.

4. What is your most favorite holiday? It used to be Halloween, but now it's Christmas. Why? Having kids makes you look at things differently. I love buying things for them and seeing their faces when they see what it is. I love the look they get when they see Christmas lights. I love to hear my boy say "Ho Ho" when he sees Santa. I love the feeling I get in my heart when I hear the Christmas songs.

5. In what ways, if any, are you superstitious? I'll knock on wood, or walk around the same side of a pole as someone - I'm sure I do more superstitious things but I can't think of it. Isn't it ironic that the song Superstitious by Stevie Wonder is on right now?? Weird.

6. If you had to pick a creature from the Mythical Creatures Guide to be your pet, which would you choose and why?

I would chose the unicorn. I wouldn't want to chose anything with human like anything because that would just be like slavery. But to form a relationship with a unicorn and look at its beauty every day....that would be magic.

TMI Tuesday # 159

2008-11-04T09:19:00.000-08:00

1. Have you ever had a moving violation? An auto accident? That was your fault?
No and No. (Knock on wood) And stop asking questions like this, you'll jinx me.

2. Have you ever voted? Yes. Once. How old were you the first time you voted? I think I was 25.

3. Are you glad this election cycle is over? Yes Now the finger pointing may begin.

4. Do you have guilty pleasure? Yes What is it (or are they)? Chocolate Chip Cookies, Blogging, Reading, Laying around watching TV for more than 15 minutes at a time. That is SOOOOO decedant.

5. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done recently? I don't embarass easily. I can't think of anything for this. Maybe scream at the teenagers in the back of my mom's explorer on Halloween to GET OUT AND WALK!

Bonus: How much impact has the Wall Street and general economic wilt had on you? None yet, and hopefully not at all, ever.

Discipline

2008-10-31T06:12:00.001-07:00

I've mentioned before that I have problems disciplining my children. It really bothers me to hear them cry. Logically I know that I'm doing them a dis service by not disciplining them, but it still hurts my soul.

Anyhow, I'm reading a really good book called "The Year of Living Biblically" by A. J. Jacobs. It's a humours book about a guy that tries to live the bible literally for a year.

I enjoy it because I have so many things that are in the bible that I question, but I am taught to go on faith. That's a whole other post.

So here is what the book says:

"I've got to get stricter. Look at the example set by God. The God of the Bible treats his children - the human race - with both justice and mercy. Right now I'm out of wack; I'm 10 percent justice and 90 percent mercy. If I had been in charge of the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve would have gotten three strikes, then a fourth, then a stern warning, then had their bedtime moved up twenty minutes. God, as you know, kicked them out. As a sign of His compassion, he clothed them in animal skins before the eviction, but He still kicked them out."

That fits me to a T. I pray about this regularly. But my daughter prays against me, LOL. She asks that the lord makes me not so angry and to let her do more stuff.

That's what I gotta do...start kicking them out right away. I let them push me too much. They win more often than I do. Dang it.

I want to be the winning team. Because when a parent operating in the best interests of their child wins....everyone wins.

Has anyone researched...

2008-10-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

I need some information. I plan on researching it myself. Someday. In my spare moments. When I've read all the good blogs out there, and all my bills are paid, and my house is clean.

Request No. 1.

Antidepressants:

Aren't they time released?

Is it normal that if you miss 1 pill you turn back into an angry bitch?

If #2's answer is yes - how are you ever supposed to get off the dang durn things?

Request No. 2.

Blogs

Has anyone found a blog written by a redneck man? I've seen plenty from red neck women, but not men.

How often does everyone update their blogroll?

How can you find out whose blogroll you are on?

How do I post those little buttons at the end of a post so that people can to to TMI Tuesday and Wednesday Weirdness and HNT?

Ok, that's it for now.

Wednesday Weirdness

2008-10-29T04:35:00.000-07:00

1.) As an adult, do you do anything for Halloween or is it jut another day?

I like to do things for Halloween, but since having kids its difficult to find time. Right now we just focus on taking the kids trick or treating. In order to please the grandparents we get to take them 3 different days and places.

2.) Do you ever dress up for Halloween? What will be your costume this year?

Liza used to help me dress up, but we haven't in awhile. I wear some pink horns, does that count?

3.) Have you started Christmas shopping yet? When do you usually begin?

Yes, I have. I've been getting started earlier and earlier each year. I'm hoping to eventually get to the point that the shopping is done by November.

4.) Do you look people in the eye when talking? Does it bother you when people don't make eye contact during conversation?

I make eye contact, but I don't stare. I only hate when someone is apologizing and won't look me in the eyes. I make my kids look me in the eyes when they apologize after time out.

5.) What excuse do you usually use when you want to take a day off work for no real reason?

My HPV is acting up. J/K Usually that I have things I have to do. My work is pretty understanding.

6.) How often, on average, do you find yourself thinking about sex per day?

Alot. Probably at least once an hour, maybe twice. Sometimes more, never less. It think about it and don't always get aroused, but I just get these images in my head. I don't really understand it.

7.) What company makes your favorite brand of shoes? What makes them your favorite?

Whoever is cheapest.

8.) Do you ever save alcohol bottles once they are empty?

No, should I? Is there a special use for them?

9.) Do you enjoy musicals?

Love them. Well, only the dramatic ones or romantic ones.

My Monday Confession

2008-10-27T06:15:00.000-07:00

I cussed at a 14 year old punk this weekend. If I hadn't missed a dose of my psycho meds I probably would have let his slight pass.

I'll admit it I was in a pissy mood. I had been up most of the night with fevered children. My DH (and I use the D very sarcasticlly today) got up at 6 and went to cut firewood. I had to be at my mom's by 2 for trick or treat.

I thought if the kids were sick then I could get out of it. But to no avail. I have no idea why they were fevered. My son might be cutting teeth, my daughter might be getting an ear infection. I dunno.

Anyhow - I make it to my moms by 1:45 p.m. My mom lives in a gated community that surrounds a lake. It's where I grew up. The lake front houses have VERY VERY steep driveways and the lake is very large. So everyone that trick-r-treats drives. Some in golf carts, some on four-wheelers, some in cars.

This year my mom borrowed a trailer and threw some hay bales in it for the kids to sit on and hooked it to the old explorer.

Sounds peachy, right? Well it would have been, except my aunt's kids - Daughter is 18 and son is 14 decide they want to go. Not only do they want to go but the son brought a friend and the daughter brought a boyfriend.

On top of that my brother who is 12 is going - as well as my cousin who is 14.

The boyfriend and friend and my girl cousin are riding in the back of the explorer. Doing nothing but sitting on their fat lazy asses. Not helping with the kids in any way, shape or form.

Needless to say my irritation level kicks up a bit. I've already had to put them in check for language and I warned them that I wouldn't hesitate to make them walk.

So about 1/2 way around the other side of the lake I hear my girl cousin say - "Watch your mouths, there are children here and that was inappropriate". At this point two of the smaller kids had joined the fat asses in the back.

So I said - "Ok, everyone shut up"

At that point, the 14 year old punk decides to going into a monologue about how he's always getting in trouble by other people and that he didn't do anything blah blah blah. I said - "You probably wouldn't get in trouble if you would SHUT YOUR MOUTH."

So then the boyfriends starts his monologue and I say "I MEAN EVERYONE."

Lovely silence for about 2 minutes. Then the boyfriend says "Butter, Peanut Butter". So I put the car in park and tell them to get out. They didn't believe me. So I walk around to the back of the explorer and again tell them to GET OUT!! Which they finally do. It's a good few miles up and down steep hills to get back to my moms. But I don't care. They should have had more respect.

So the remaining teenagers helped very nicely with the kids for the rest of trick r treating. Amazing what some discipline will do!

So when we get back my aunt has gone and picked them up so their fat asses didn't have to walk. Then my aunt wanted to hear my side of the story because she had heard theirs. So I shared it with her. She said, ok, let's go talk to them. So we go over there and the 14 year old kept interrupting me, and looking away and rolling his eyes.

So I refused to accept his apology. Then he was like "What's your problem." I said what's my problem? It's that you disrespect me and treat me like a piece of shit in my own family's vehicle and home?? You are a guest here and were welcomed in like one of our family and then you turn around and talk to me like that. GROW UP. You don't act like that when you are a guest.

There was a lot more said, but no more cussing. But I felt bad about saying shit and raising my voice. But I was mad, damnit.

WTF Friday????

2008-10-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

I try to learn something new each day. I usually have no problem with that because of the amount of reading I do.

However last night I learned something that actually made my jaw drop.

Ready for this?

ROOSTERS CAN LAY EGGS!!!

Yeah...they are called cock eggs and they are whites only.

WTF??

Saving money is a big fat pain

2008-10-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

DH and I made a decision to pay off all of our bills except our mortgage and our jeep payment. This would free us up enough to purchase a home and rent out our tube on 5 acres.

Well, shortly after we made that decision DH purchased the hated CAR. Taking up enough money to pay off 2 credit cards.

Just wanted everyone to remember that and feel bad for me and my sacrifices. That fact really has nothing to do with my story.

Ok, anyhow we have really cut back on our spending in order to save more money. I am bucking against that for one occasion. We are going to Howl at the Moon on November 8th with 100 of our closest friends. I plan on getting blasted. I haven’t been blasted in over 1 year. I’m due.

Anyhow here is how we’ve been saving money.

We only eat out once a week, and only if I ABSOLUTELY refuse to cook. And there aren’t any eggs or hot dogs that DH can cook.

We are making the kids Halloween costumes this year. Or borrowing them. Or something other than buying.

I am making my breakfast at night and making tea before I leave so that I don’t stop at the evil Circle K and spend $3.00 a day on coffee and muffins.

I am making my own lunch to take to work so that I don’t spend $6-7 dollars per day.

I can’t remember what else…but it’s a good start at least. Oh yeah and DH is working his dump truck and bringing in a few hundred dollars each week or so….

That’s about it. Not sure how much that will save us, but we will see.

Just a little advice for my male readers...

2008-10-21T05:56:00.001-07:00

If your sex life is going really well.

Just the way you want it.

You are getting all of your needs met on a daily basis.

Do. Not. Criticise. Your. Womans. Housekeeping. Skills.

My Monday Confession

2008-10-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

I don’t wash my new clothes before I wear them.

There, I said it out loud. I’m letting the world know. I rip the tags off of stuff and throw them on my children, on myself, on my spouse. I’m not worried about the chemicals from new clothes or anything like that. All I can think of is a way to save myself on doing laundry. I’m so excited to have something new that I don’t even want to take the time to wash them, I want to wear them right away.

Anyone else want to confess something clean today? You can confess dirty stuff on my other blog.

A few changes

2008-10-16T04:29:00.000-07:00

I really screwed up. I opened my big mouth and now my sister knows about this blog. Well, sortof knows. She knows I have 2 private blogs.

She is pissed. She feels she should have access to these blogs. But I KNOW there will be MAJOR issues if she reads my other blog. It's very difficult for my family to imagine that I have parts of my life I would like to KEEP from them.

So I guess I'm going to have to create a completely vanilla blog, under a different name than Countess and share that with my family to satisfy their thirst for knowledge.

Dang it I barely have time to write in these. Where will I find time for a third?

Ok, enough of that. Last night we had dinner with some people we know from church. They are in our small group. It was nice. I didn't have to cook and my kids ate like pigs. All and all a successful night. Except for the acid indigestion that I was throwing up at 3 am. Yeah that sucks.

DH is all pissy this morning because I didn't go to bed at the same time of him. Ummm...I didn't have to get up at 3 a.m. He did. Why should I lose out on my "no kids" time? He is such a baby sometimes.

Wednesday Weirdness

2008-10-15T04:15:00.001-07:00

Just so I can keep up with the rest of the gang:

1. If you could only eat one fruit for an entire year and that fruit would magically be in season and ripe that full year, which fruit would you choose and why? Mango. It's filling and delicious...and banannas sometimes make me gag.

2. What is something that makes you sad? Animal cruelty

3. What would you do if you came home from an extended vacation and found that someone else was living in your house?I would be whippin someone's ass. With a quickness.

4. What US President, alive or otherwise, would you like to have dinner with? They are all the same to me.

5. What is your opinion on multitasking while driving? (Reading a book or work documents, changing clothes, fixing hair, applying make up, shaving your face, et cetera) I've only seen Liza do it, and she's pretty good at it, so I can't bitch to much. I don't really have much road rage.

6. Do you ever multitask while driving? I will sometimes text while driving or hand stuff to my kids, or eat. If so, how often would you say you are guilty of it? At least 3 times a week.

7. Do you tend to be early, on time, fashionably late or LATE to work and work related events? I prefer to be at least 15 minutes early.Do you tend to be more or less punctual for non-work related events? Less punctual. Mostly because I am taking my kids and they can take FOREVER to get ready.

8. What is a quirk your significant other has that you would define as "cute"? I haven't noticed any "cute" quirks. I really need to look for that. Now if you ask me what quirks irritate the hell out of me.....

Be sure to check out more Wednesday Weirdness.

Wednesday Weirdness

2008-10-15T04:01:00.000-07:00

Wednesday Weirdness #24
1.) Do you think you're approachable? I think I am totally approachable. However, I have been told by, well most everyone that knows me, that I am NOT approachable. That I throw off this "stay the eff away from me" vibe.

2.) Out of the two, would you rather be able to predict things before they happened or be able to read minds whenever you wanted to? Predict things before they happen. Why? Avoid catastrophe, win the lottery, bet on sports teams " Why would I not want to read minds? I didn't say I didn't want to read people's minds, I just want to predict things more than read people's minds.

3.) Have you ever kissed, fooled around or slept with an ex significant other AFTER you were already broken up? No, No and a thousand times No. Broke up means just that. Usually the reason we broke up was because I finally figured out what a loser he was.

4.) Do you believe dreams are your imagination running wild as you sleep, your subconscious showing you what's really on your mind or something else entirely? A little of both. Sometimes I dream of sex with a Matt Hughes. That's both my imagination runnin wild AND what's really on my mind.

5.) How often do you use cuss words? Does your use of cuss words vary on your moods or situations? I use them way to much. They are the common language here at work, but it's a bad example for my children. Yes, if I'm angry I can't control it.

6.) Do you ever purposely lead people on so you can get what you want?
Never ever ever. That is just mean and selfish and greedy.

7.) When was the last time you did something you told yourself you wouldn't do? What was it?
Yesterday. I told myself that I wouldn't confide in the other admin, and then went ahead and told her what should have stayed to myself.

8.) If you could meet one musician who is no longer alive, who would it be?
I can't really think of any dead musicians that I would like to meet or spend time with....is that sad?

I just keep running face first into the same wall.....

2008-10-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

I just can't seem to get ahead. At all. In anything.

Ok, I'll admit it, I'm feeling down. In the dumps.

I WANNA HOUSE!! A REAL HOUSE. Not a tube. Not a double tube. A real honest to Pete house.

I want it now!! Right now. Just call me Veruca.

I'm checking into that. Looking to see if it's even remotely possible for us. If our credit is good enough. If our debt to income ratio is low enough (it's not). If the blood of our first born satisfies the Bank Vampires etc....

I just want to forget about wanting a house and focus on something else, but I can't.

It's times like this I wish I had ADD.

Come one, come all.........

2008-10-07T04:29:00.000-07:00

Last night, at ten till nine, DH suddenly decides that my Livvie needs a bath. Now I think I've talked about Livvie before. She's my amstaff that we rescued from New York.

Note to self, think of a better name for DH than DH

Anyhow, he jumps up and chases her to the back. The ~~heathens~~ children ran quickly behind them. My spidey senses advised me that this would be a good time to catch up on some reading as the children would be occupied for AT LEAST 10 minutes.

Shortly into the first chapter I had to put my book down. The conversations in the back were classic. It went something like this:

The daughter (Here after known as PD for this story)"Dad, can I sit here and watch you? Dad, why is Livvie getting a bath? (giggling) Dad, giving Livvie a bath is sooo fun."

DH "Because she is dirty. Don't you get dirty when you play outside"

PD "Yeah....Dad, what did she do to get dirty? Did she roll in the dirt?"

DH *Sigh* "Probably PD - Livvie was running through the woods and so she was in the dirt and the mud"

Silence with the sound of water running in the background.

DH "SON!!! GET OFF THE HOT WATER RIGHT NOW. YOU CANNOT BE ON THE HOT WATER YOU COULD BURN YOURSELF OR LIVVIE."

I'm not really sure how my son was on the hot water as it's a tub/shower combo and the faucets are on the wall. Maybe he was in the sink. Whatever, I'm sure the son got the point.

PD "Dad, why is she standing like that?"

DH "Because I'm washin..."

PD "DAD DAD - WHY IS SHE PUTTING HER LEG UP LIKE THAT?"

DH - Total exasperation in his voice - "PD Livvie doesn't like to get a bath - do YOU like to get a bath?"

PD Yeah, I do...

DH - Sigh - "Ok, well you know how YOUR BROTHER doesn't like getting a bath - well neither does Livvie"

PD "Oh, ok"

DH "Now go get Daddy a......SON...YOU CANNOT CLIMB ON THE WASHER LIKE THAT!!! OMG YOUR MOM IS GOING TO KILL ME. GET DOWN NOW. THAT IS NOT A TOY, PUT THAT DOWN. YOU CAN DO LAUNDRY WITH MOMMY TOMORROW YOU DON'T NEED THE LAUNDRY SOAP. BOY!!! I'M NOT KIDDING. YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT I CAN'T COME OVER TO YOU RIGHT NOW. DAUGHTER!! WHERE ARE THE TOWELS? DAMNIT - LIVVIE DO NOT SHAKE! SIT... I SAID SIT!!

PD "Dad, why are you so mad?

It actually went even further as he cleaned Livvies ears...but I don't have time to type that. I'm grinning from ear to ear just thinking about it....

I love my family.

Here's a dilemma...

2008-09-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

So my BFF Liza shared a secret with me. A pretty major secret. A BFF type of secret. I will not display her secret here. However, it then prompted me to share a secret with her. In a roundabout way.

I feel so exposed. Which is ridiculous. Liza knows all of my innermost everything. I watched her child being born. I've seen her vagina!! I mean, who is closer to me? No one.

So why do I feel so scared and exposed and nervous? Why don't I want her to read what I wrote until I leave her house?

I think that I never really relax around anyone. I relax the most around her...but I still guard myself a bit from her. I completely tore that down. So I am now not keeping ANYTHING from her.

Whew, so there. I feel better getting that out. Now....we'll see what she says to what I wrote.

I see the light!!!

2008-09-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

Yeah!!! Saturday night I got my power back. What a blessing! I have to give all the glory to God that my family and I made it through that without killin each other.

I will be gone most of this week. I have training in PA for work. I'll be gone Wednesday and Thursday.

I know you are all worried about how you will live without me...but I trust you.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

I need some encouragement on my weight loss dream. I'm really slacking, and my self esteem is showing it. I did get my hair cut, and I love it - so that helped a bit.

I got irritated for the first time at members of my church. I made it 9 months before I got irritated at someone. That's pretty good, right?

I'm trying to be witting and funny, but I'm tooo tired. I need themes for each day of the week so that I have a topic. I'm open to suggestions

Did you know?

2008-09-18T04:44:00.000-07:00

That if you have a Verizon Razr and you set the alarm, it will not go off if you have a text?

That when pressed I can do in 20 minutes what I usually do in 45 mins. (Non sexual, of course)

That I can be convinced to take another rescue, even though it's only 10 weeks old and not housebroken?

That you can slice a chunk out of your finger with the same disposable razor you use to shave your legs?

That because of said chunk missing you will score 74 on a typing test that you know you could have scored 98?

That not putting out to your spouse can cause them to be EXTRA grouchy?

That a woman can wear men's deodorant, and no one will notice? (I couldn't find mine, and I didn't have time to search)

That Lipton Green Tea doesn't taste to bad room temp?

Ok, that's enough of that. Sornie - I hope I don't beat your record. If I do, I know it is because you jinxed me!!

Livin in an Amish Paradise....

2008-09-17T04:20:00.000-07:00

I STILL don't have power. Yep, it's Wednesday and I've been without power now for 4 days.

I'm getting so tired of lugging water up from the creek and washing in the rain barrel.

My kids love peeing outside though. I can't quite get my eyes used to reading by kerosene latern light. Or candle light. So I've been going to bed really early. 9:15 at the latest.

This morning, I was feeling around for my deoderant in my bag, and cut a chunk off the top of my right ring finger with my razor. That's going to make for a really fun typing test. Yeah, part 2 of the civil service exam today, and I now have a major handicapp. That sucks.

Ok, we've had enough trials and attacks, I'm ready for the blessigs. I was discouraged this morning, but I'm feeling more positive the more awake I become. Could be the sugar high from my coffee.

Well, I gotta run, the butter won't churn itself.

...and I'll huff, and I'll puff...

2008-09-15T04:41:00.000-07:00

No, my house didn't get blown down, but it felt like it was going to. The wind last night was CRAZY. I'm still without power. It really really sucks.

But here's a weird thing. DH and I met with a financial guy on Friday. His work is based on faith in Jesus Christ. Which I have.

Ok, so he made a comment that stuck in my mind. He said, now that you two have professed your relationship with Christ, and your willingness to make your life prosperous to reflect his goodness (or some such words like that) you will be both attacked spiritually, and blessed spiritually. DH and I waited until he looked away then we rolled our eyes at each other.

I was thinking in my head - Whatever dude, just tell me how I can save enough money to buy or build my house, k?

So that was Friday, fast forward to Sunday. After church DH and I make a little road trip down about 1 hour away from us to purchase a fridge that seemed like a good deal.

It was a good deal because it was in our price range, and it worked. We didn't care about anything else.

So we pick it up and it is awesome!! Water and Ice dispenser works, climate controlled drawers for veggies.....all for $125.00. WOW!! Ok, that is a spiritual blessing. I mean, how fantastic.

We get home and get ready to go to small group. See our church only has service on Sunday mornings. So to keep us from being heathens the rest of the week we have small groups of people get together to discuss the sermon, or other topics weighing on our minds.

Then the wind started to blow.

We came home to an almost disaster.

If we had been home instead of at small group ALL OF OUR VEHICLES WOULD BE INOPERABLE. That's right, all of them. And we have 3. One car was still at home, and did have a tree top snap off and hit it in the center of the hood, leaving a HUGE dent. Luckily this is a work car that doesn't look that great to begin with. I'll try to post pictures tomorrow.

Another trees snapped off in the center and fell onto our driveway RIGHT WHERE WE USUALLY PARK OUR VEHICLES. DH had driven seperately to the small group meeting because he was still installing our fridge when it was time to get there.

Wow....that's just freaky. Thank goodness I've got the Lord on my side.

I hope everyone else made it through the storm.

FAKER!!

2008-09-11T04:20:00.000-07:00

For once I'm not talking about orgasms. If I were I would limit it to my other blog. No, today I'm talking about putting on fake personas.

Last night we had a Girlfriends night at our church. It was a lot of fun, we made necklaces, and talked about breast cancer and won a lot of great prizes.

However, I was extremely uncomfortable the minute I walked in. At first I thought it was my anxiety kicking in. If I hadn't got control over it quickly, it probably would have turned into a full blown panic attack.

I feel woefully inadequate to the women in my church. There are several "cliques" I guess you could say. Which I'm sure is the same at any church. But the one I keep getting looped in with is what I call the "beautiful people". These are the women who are thin and wear trendy clothes. Their hair is perfectly styled and make up looks completely natural.

I'm sure most of you have figured out, I am NOT thin nor do I wear trendy clothes. I'm lucky if my hair is brushed and I have makeup on.

So I'm looking around at the women standing and talking to each other in their trendy clothes, and I realize that I have NO ONE to talk to.

The other group/clique are the homeschooling moms. I would say that 80% of the women in my church homeschool their kids. Amazingly my pastor's wife does not. But I feel like such a poop because I work.

Just another kick to my already deflated self esteem.

So now I have my fake smile pasted on as I make my way to my seat to hopefully blend into my chair. I keep thinking that I hope no one notices that I have no one to talk to.

I have now officially put on my "fake Bekki". I feel completely artificial when anyone approaches me and asks me any type of questions. I feel as though they are weighing and judging every word I say. The color of my lipstick while they watch my lips move. The height of my neckline. I could go on and on.

This is a common problem. I hear people say all the time that is why they quit going to church. Or why they don't go to church.

I realized that the women there probably aren't judging me. At least most of them aren't. They probably have the same insecurities that I do. Or different insecurities.

I'm sure I just need to get to know them better and I need to quit being so critical of myself and others. This is my prayer for today:

Lord, please help me to see myself and others in my church in a more positive light. Help me to make friends in my community that I have a lot in common with.

Oh yeah, and Lord - please give all of the beautiful people pimples. In Jesus name, Amen.

(Disclaimer: I'd never ask the Lord to smite someone with any amount of seriousness, I am just joking)

I said I'm sorry for pushing him.

2008-09-09T04:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my DH and I were watching an episode of the Dog Whisperer. Most of you remember my intense fascination with Caesar Milan. Ok, maybe not so intense since I'm not sure I spelled his name write, and I don't feel like looking it up.

Anyhow, my two little blessings were outside playing on their swings set and climbing slidey thingy. Pretty soon, the daughter comes running in with the son whimpering behind her.

"Mom, I said I'm sorry to him."

"What? DH, pause the TV. What did you say sorry to your brother for?"

"I said I'm sorry for pushing him off the slide."

"DAUGHTER!!! Which slide did you push him off of?"

"The big one mommy. I said I'm sorry for pushing him off the slide." She is talking about the slide that is about as tall as me. I'm 5'5". It's probably only 5'.

"How far up was he?"

"Really high Mommy"

"Son, come here. Are you hurt? Are you bleeding? Do you have a bump? Scrape? Boo Boo?

"No Mommy, Bubby (He calls his sister Bubby, I don't know why) Bubby push me on slide."

"I know honey, but Mommy needs to know if you are hurt"

"No hurt Mommy, Bubby said Horry" That's not a typo, he replaces H's for S's. He's only two, remember.

"Ok, well maybe you two should come inside and relax for a few minutes."

In unison, "No mommy, we'll be good."

Then they take off flying out the door.

Man I love how tough my kids are.

We are fam - ily

2008-08-28T04:11:00.001-07:00

My family reunion is this weekend. I wasn't sure it was still going to happen, with everyone coming up for my grandfather's funeral. But we are still having it.

I got put in charge of children's activities on Saturday.

Yippee!!

If all I can post on Monday is Buh Buh Buh Buh Buh Buh you'll know why.

A nice reminder of how stupid I really am.

2008-08-27T04:11:00.000-07:00

I have submitted my resume for consideration for a position at the local government office. A requirement of this position is that you take the Civil Service Exam. Yesterday was the written portion.

Actually, my sister and I both applied for that position. So we went together to take the test.

Let's just say that the Lord was giving me hints from the beginning. First we went to the wrong effing building.

See, the government was nice enough to send out letters giving directions and a list of items to bring. Since I didn't have to bring any item, I just skimmed the letter.

Just a word of advice - if you get a letter from the government, READ IT ALL. Word for word, and bring it with you, just in case.

Luckily there was a lady in the building and she told us it was at the Civic Center. So we FLY over there breaking all sorts of speed limits and dodging pedestrians. (Hey, if you see a car coming down the sidewalk, MOVE!)

We get there and end up standing in line! There ended up being 121 people applying for this same position.

Let me tell you - some of those people should not have been there. The test was multiple choice. Standard bubble test. Standard instructions read at the beginning. Make sure you make a complete mark, make sure you don't leave any blank, blah blah blah.

Then it's question/answer time. One lady asked this question "So, if we don't know the answer is it better to leave it blank, or guess and fill one in?"

The procter was much kinder than I would have been. I would have said "If it were up to me, I'd fill it in - Now what is your number again?" Then I would have shredded her test when she turned it in.

Anyhow, I started this test and was immediatly heart broken. All of the questions were multiple choice. 100 total questions - 2 hours to complete. These were the sections and my grade (how I think I did - I will not receive actual results for 3 weeks):

1. Spelling D
2. Math F
3. Comprehension A
4. Budgeting C
5. Office skills A

So as you can see, I did very poorly. I now have a wounded self pride - and I think this answers the question on whether or not I should go back to school.

BUT, based on my interaction with the court system in that City - They will hire me right away!

I wasn't kidding about the napping thing....

2008-08-26T04:29:00.000-07:00

In previous posts I have mentioned that sleeping is one of my favorite hobbys. This is a tradition passed down through my family. Many people have a hard time understanding this.

When I was growing up my family did a lot of "visitin". My dad has 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Plus one cousin that was raised with him like a brother. So every weekend, and sometimes through the week either we would load up in the car and go to one of their houses, or they would come to us.

The normal routine would be visit for a few minutes while we waited to eat. Then we'd eat. Dad (or Uncles) would have some type of sports on. The women would sit and gossip.

Slowly everyone would find a soft place to crash. It could be on the floor. It could be on the couch. The kids would go to the kids rooms and crash on floors and beds.

Everyone would doze on and off for a few hours.

Anyhow. Since I married the sleep nazi I haven't had the pleasure of that much sleeping. Until yesterday.

I went over to my grandmother's to check on her. I've made it a vow to see her at least once a month, if not more.

So I knock and get no answer. That's weird, because I KNOW she's home. So I try the door and walk right in. I yell for her and she answers. She said she'd been napping on the couch. I told her to go ahead back to napping, that I would nap with her. So I crawled onto my grandpa's favorite chair and kicked back. I could still smell a little bit of his cologne. Grandma was back asleep before I got settled in. Then we slept for about an hour until my sister got there with my kids.

We have decided that during my monthly visits we will nap, then just chat for a few moments before I leave. That's enough bonding for us.

Does anyone else love sleep THAT much? Or is my family a bunch of sleepyheads?

Apologies and reminder

2008-08-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry everyone! My computer was down for 2 days so I didn't get a chance to post. Don't forget today is freaky friday!

Item Number 3 - Large Zip Lock Freezer Bags

2008-08-20T05:57:00.000-07:00

I always keep a box of these in my house. I have used them for such a variety of things. I mean the obvious reason is for food. If you buy in bulk at the grocery store, yadda yadda. I also use it to marinate my meat and/or veggies.

Here are the other uses I've found:

Storing smaller zip lock baggies of moon sand and accessories

Small Army Men that invade my living room - blend into my carpt (they are camo) and then stab me in the foot as I walk past. I'll have to have a talk with Santa about bringing parent hurting toys to my house.

Dirty Diapers - nuff said.

Puzzle pieces that have migrated to the wrong room, or the board for the puzzle is currently MIA.

Make up and hair products when I'm traveling. I don't want to take a chance that my mousse will explode and get all over my clothes.

Sometimes I just carry an empty one around looking for things to go into it. Ok, I don't do that. If I did then my house might actually get uncluttered - and I can't have that!!!

Must have item #2 - Automatic reset alarm clock

2008-08-18T04:29:00.000-07:00

I purchased this alarm clock about 1 year ago and I LOVE it. I never have to worry about the power going out, or daylight savings time, or anything. I can set one alarm for during the week, and another alarm for the weekend and it knows what day it is.

Some may say this is the work of Satan. I say it's genius. Thank you whoever thought of that.

Top 10 Products and/or items I could not live without - Item 1

2008-08-14T04:11:00.000-07:00

I think that we all have certain items we just can't live without. I decided that figuring these out might bring insight into my life and the energy flow around it. Or it might just prove I'm a little weird. Whichever. These are in no significant order.

Item No. 1 - My computer with internet. I rely on this so much it amazes me. During the time I was at my Grandmas I realized how much I had come to rely on it. I look EVERYTHING up. Weather, Bank Balance, some funny story I heard on the radio, biorythems, porn. You know, the important stuff.

I also use it to entertain my husband and children when they have run out of ideas to entertain themselves. Which happens a lot. So for the kids I throw on sesame street or noggin and for the hubby I throw on Youtube or Bubba the Love Sponge.

Back before I had children I use to use it to chat. Not so much now. I'm lucky if I have a chance to sit and pay bills let alone surf the web. I need a wireless I can take to the bathroom with me. And a lock on the bathroom door.

Thank you.

2008-08-13T04:20:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, my grandfather passed away last Thursday after a difficult and long battle with cancer. He is greatly missed by his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and congregation. He preached at the same church for over 42 years.

The last week and 1/2 of my life have been very sad and chaotic. However I hope to get back into my groove.

I love and miss you pawpaw.

and you are here with?

2008-08-06T04:48:00.000-07:00

The best part about DH's family reunion is that no one in his family knows anyone. Well, ok, my DH and his mom and his brother know his dad's sisters. But other than that, they know no one. Nor do they speak to anyone other than the aunts.

Well that stopped this year. I must have had a sign on that said "Talk to me" because A LOT of people did. Here I thought I had perfected the "stay away" look, but apparently not.

The most popular question of the day was "How do you belong in this family?" When I would explain I would just get funny looks. Who do you belong to again? Oh yeah, ok, I know who that is.....

Then I had to open up my mouth about sending out e-mail reminders regarding the family reunion instead of mailing them. That got a lot of interest.

Who are you again?

How long have you been in this family?

Where do you live?

Then I come to find out that Arthur's Grandmother on his dad's side was french? I'm not sure where the Scottish/Irish come in, but I know that it's in there. Now I need to research his family as well as mine.

I WISH I COULD FIND THE TIME. I need to stop watching TV altogether and get on the computer more.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to research your family tree? I need all the help I can get.

Kill the Thieves!

2008-08-05T04:27:00.000-07:00

On Sunday we had the pleasure of attending my husband's family reunion. It was nothing but fun and adventure from the get go. DH wants us to take "the car". You know, the one we have been fighting about. Ok, whatever. So we all load up and take off. About 1/2 way there, we run out of gas. This is because the previous owner had re-routed the gas system so that it was hooked up to a Gallon Jug under the hood to prevent gas thieves.

But do not fear, DH was prepared and had brought fuel with him, so we just had to wait for him to fill up the 1 gallon jug. We then make it to a gas station where he can top off the gallon jug, and re-fill his refueling jug. During this time I run into the store to get pop and ice. My children, of course, come with me.

So my son picks up a roll of Rollos and starts to open them. Then a fun conversation starts.

Me shouting: Little Man - you can't do that!

Princess K: Yeah, that's stealing.

Me: Very good, that IS stealing. Stealing is bad. Mommy needs to pay for it.

Prince S: Oh, ok mommy, here. (He hands the open rollos over and I start to walk towards the pop).

Princess K shouting: Yeah mom, cause we steal ALL the time, don't we?

Wha? Excuse me? Where did this come from? I frantically look around to see if anyone heard her. The lady stocking the shelf quickly looks away so she won't have to make eye contact. The cash register lady is studying the stickers on the counter.

Me: No, Princess K, we do not always steal. We NEVER steal. Stealing is bad, remember?

Princess K: Oh, that's right. Sorry mom.

I hope I got my point across.

Oh not so much to the kids, but I don't want those perfect strangers thinking I steal!!!

He's been redeemed

2008-07-31T04:35:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and checked my phone. I received a picture that made me so horny I couldn't take take it. More so than my BFF's picture (ok, her pic didn't make me horny, but if I were into that, it would have.) But this pic got my juices flowing.

That's right, Liza's DH, Wee Wee, sent me a picture to tantalize my pee pee buds.

Excuse me, I have to spend a few moments in the bathroom.

That's why we are BFF's

2008-07-30T06:07:00.001-07:00

So last night I went over to Liza's to prepare for our garage sale. Now most of you will remember that Liza is my BFF. We are twin souls.

Anyhow, after hours of pricing stuff, Liza was finished with her stuff and was helping me price mine. We were going through boxes of clothes and started getting slap happy. Everything became funny to us, and we were giggling and snorting.

We came across a hand me down someone had given to my daughter. The size was 3T. It was a yellow shirt that had a partly opened back.

Amid snorts, Liza said "I bet I can get this on". I said, OMG, ok- but you have to put it on backwards, so that you look like an 80's porn star.

So she did it. She put it on. This is what it looked like:

Amazingly hot right? So I said - go upstairs and show your DH. So she runs up stairs and saunters into the living room and hears: "What the hell is that?"

WOW - BUZZ KILL

What the heck is wrong with him? An appropriate response would be "Get in the bedroom now", or "Oh honey - that's hot".

At least it's not only my man that's an idiot.

BTW, when I grow up, I want to have boobs like Liza's.

Do I make the best of a situation or stick to my guns?

2008-07-29T04:23:00.001-07:00

I'll post pictures here as soon as I take some. But the car came home last night. I wasn't sure what I should do. Pout and be a bitch so that my point gets driven home? Or just make the best and show some enthusiasm.

So I showed some interest. I learned some things last night. But here is my dilemma. I am trying to strenghthen my relationship with God. This whole car thing is bringing people back into my life that aren't anywhere near God. Don't have any desire to be close to God.

The club is called Voodoo Kustoms, and they are all about skulls, and evil eat your liver music and - well - very negative stuff. But my husband and these friends think it's really cool. And in it's own way I guess it is. They all dress like the 50's. There are a lot of families involved.

But I don't know what to do. I'm probably not being very clear. It's a moral dilemma. Am I comprimising my relationship with God by spending LOTS of time with people that have no interest in God? Will it bring me down, and sever my relationship with the Lord?

I don't think that it will do anything that I don't allow it to do. So ultimately I just have to be strong.

But we know how weak I am. This will be interestig, to say the least.

Finally DH realizes - sort of

2008-07-28T04:36:00.001-07:00

Well last night DH said the words out loud that I've been thinking in my head for a looooong time.

I'M SELFISH.

He said this with no prompting from myself, and after several minutes of deep after sex thoughts.

Let me enumerate the ways he is selfish. I'll start with the lesser offenses.

1. He has 2 spaces in our living room that are HIS spaces. No one else may put their items in those spaces or said items will be thrown to floor, or possibly put in the trash. He will also bitch the ENTIRE time he takes said items out of his spaces. These spaces ALSO happen to be the most convenient spaces - the stand right beside the front door, and the end table right beside the "master" chair.

2. If there is ANY food, no matter if it is something I have saved from dinner for my lunch the following day, or a dessert I've been nibbling on - to him it is free game. He will eat it, and then act offended because I'm mad that it's gone.

3. He expects me to plan my life around whatever his work and/or play schedule is. If I want to do something and I don't want to take the children, he must have a minimum of a week's notice, and reminders several times a day, every day, until the date of my excursion. If my excursion isn't household related then I get a HUGE guilty trip, and the Spanish Inquisition as to when I will be home. If I am not at home at the time I indicated or earlier, I am given the whole - Well you said you'd be home at.....

4. When we have sex - oh wait, that's for my other blog. Just be rest assured that he can be selfish in that way too.

5. If he is watching TV, and I am doing something, like reading, or laundry, or cooking dinner he acts all pissed off if I ask him to get the kids something to eat or drink. Heaven forbid he pause the tv and let me continue with what I am doing.

6. The main selfish thing he has done lately is a biggie. He has decided that since I don't want to ride Harley as much any more, we needed another "family" hobby. So he has decided that we need a rat rod. Please feel free to google this to get more information.

See, about 2 months ago, we decided that we were done living in a tube. That we wanted to build a house. I said, if we can eliminate all debt, except the car payment and the mortgage payment, we can afford to build. We'll be sitting pretty good.

He agreed. So since the first of year I have been putting $207 dollars out of each of my paychecks into a Flexible Spending account for daycare. I don't have a seperate savings account outside of our joint checking. Whenever I bring up the subject of opening one up, he freaks out, claims I'm going to leave him. He doesn't like me being able to stash money that he can't touch, etc. In all fairness, I do have access to his savings, but I only touch it upon his request.

Anyhow, we decided to take the money saved in Flexible Spending since the first of the year, and pay off one credit card. Great. We were in agreement. We also decided to track our spending for one month, so that I could create a budget so that we could stop wasting money. He thinks I'm spending it all, I think he is, and vice versa. So I said we could track it, to find out where the leaks are.

So I pay off the credit card. Now this makes our checking account balance back down to paycheck to paycheck. We used to have some cushion in it, but now it's bare bones.

As of Friday we had appx. $350 dollars in our checking account. Now he has been saving money, and taking money from his dump truck jobs and stashing it away for this rat rod.

He was aware of our financial situation. He knew how much money we had in our account. I also knew that if we really needed it, the money from his savings would be there as a back up.

Out of that $350 had to come $175 for daycare, $70 for fuel and pop for a party, $40.00 for groceries $35.00 for pizza after church, $30.00 for offering. Leaving us at exactly $0.00. And we don't get paid for 5 more days.

But did that stop him? Nope, he went and bought that damn rat rod. And I have to take my kids over to my BFF's tonight, because he is going to pick it up, and start working on it.

Yippeee.

Selfish? His picture is in the dictionary for the definition.

Time Management

2008-07-24T04:15:00.000-07:00

All right. I wanna know how everyone else gets everything done. I freakin busted my butt yesterday after work, getting stuff packed up for the garage sale. Then I cooked dinner, and once I sat down for dinner, I was DONE! But I forced myself to get up and go to the computer to pay bills.

THEN I was really done. I didn't want to clean up after supper, I didn't want to pick up toys. I just wanted to SLEEP!!!

How does everyone keep their house in tip top shape, when mine looks like a cyclone hit it.

I have a full basket of folded laundry sitting in my living room waiting to be put away since Monday. I have 2 hampers full of dirty clothes that need to be washed. I have 4 comforters that need to go to the laundry mat because they won't fit in my washer.

I'm not even going to start on the status of my junk room and my bedroom/junk room.

All of this clutter is bringing me down. It's bad chi and I'm totally feeling it. I woke up this morning with severe pain in between my shoulder blades. It feels like I've been carrying a HUGE weight on my back - and I have.

It's the feeling of being a crap wife/mother because I can't get it all done.

So tell me, what's the trick?

I hate censoring my kids......

2008-07-23T04:01:00.000-07:00

I tried to find an example picture to share with you, but I'm typing this at work, and it's difficult dealing with people peering over my shoulder and all of the blocked pages.

Anyhow, I was walking in the BV mall on Monday and there is a store across from Hollister. I don't know what the name of it is. But there is a HUGE picture of a guy in jeans. Which in itself isn't bad, but it was the LOW LOW jeans. I mean where it's so low they had to have airbrushed his peepee out.

Luckily I didn't have my children with me, so I was able to stare. I don't give a crap what the other people think. Of course I'm going to stare.

However, it got me thinking. What would I do/say if my kids were with me? Tell them not to look? Or let them look, and if they questioned why the man was 1/2 naked, tell them that the human body is beautiful. So then they can use that excuse when they want to be naked? And they want all of their little friends around them to be naked?

Sigh -

What am I to do? I don't want to over censor my kids, but I don't want them to be ashamed of their bodies.

What's a mom to do?