There, I've said it. Outloud. In front of everyone. Well, not everyone because I think only two people read my blog. But still.
Recently I've been caught up in being an "ideal" mom. Being an "ideal" wife. I've been dressing appropriatly for all occastions. Choosing outfits that don't show my cleavage or modifying ones that do. Not wearing anything super short. Letting my hair grown back to it's natural color.
Ok - I'm going to talk about sex. Stop reading if you feel it would be TMI. I'm giving you fair warning. I don't want anyone coming up to me and saying - "I can't believe you wrote that. I'm very disgusted" If you are easily disgusted stop reading now.
My sex life has had many peaks and valleys throughout the course of my marriage. My sex life has been at its best when I felt sexy. When I was doing HNT. When I was hearing others, not just my husband, tell me I looked hot. That made our sex life crazy!! Off the hook! My going after him agressivly every single day! We were happy, horny and satisfied with life.
Then my guilt kicked in. Comments from other mothers and wives about the inappropriatness of it. Guilt from the pulpit. So I tried to carry that on without - sigh - without feeling sexy.
Why does it take all that to make me feel sexy? DH is away a lot during the week. When he gets home, he is tired. Doesn't really have the energy to make me feel sexy. The sexiest comment I get from him recently is "Are you going to service me tonight?" Yeah, that's a huge libido killer right there.
My idenity as a women gets lost. It's nice to have reminders that even though I'm a bit heavy - even though I'm not the best house cleaner - I'm still a sexy woman.
Am I the only woman that needs to feel sexy? I mean, what's so wrong with that? Is there something I should be, besides write sexy posts and take HNT pics? Should I start doing my other blog again? Or am I crossing another moral boundry?
3 comments:
"There should be no guilt in feeling sexy."
Your post title said it all. Do whatever makes you feel good as long as it doesn't end up coming back to bite you or your loved ones in the ass.
You are sexy, and you shouldn't feel guilty.
Best of luck.
Mama....whose ideal are you trying to live up to? You should ALWAYS dress to feel happy and satisfied. You should never make yourself feel frumpy to please others. Take some of those HNT piccies and put them in your hubbie's lunch or truck window before work in the morning! That could get the creative juices flowing! There are so many ways to get the recognition you are so desperately seeking w/o doing something that makes you question its appropriateness. In the end, it is your decision what you do with yourself and your marriage. But first, I challenge you to be creative and see where it gets you! Unfortunately, the only person we can change in our relationships is ourselves. Make the first move and don't give up!
PS. BFF is a totally hottie! ;)
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