Come one, come all.........

Last night, at ten till nine, DH suddenly decides that my Livvie needs a bath. Now I think I've talked about Livvie before. She's my amstaff that we rescued from New York.

Note to self, think of a better name for DH than DH

Anyhow, he jumps up and chases her to the back. The heathens children ran quickly behind them. My spidey senses advised me that this would be a good time to catch up on some reading as the children would be occupied for AT LEAST 10 minutes.

Shortly into the first chapter I had to put my book down. The conversations in the back were classic. It went something like this:



The daughter (Here after known as PD for this story)"Dad, can I sit here and watch you? Dad, why is Livvie getting a bath? (giggling) Dad, giving Livvie a bath is sooo fun."

DH "Because she is dirty. Don't you get dirty when you play outside"

PD "Yeah....Dad, what did she do to get dirty? Did she roll in the dirt?"

DH *Sigh* "Probably PD - Livvie was running through the woods and so she was in the dirt and the mud"

Silence with the sound of water running in the background.

DH "SON!!! GET OFF THE HOT WATER RIGHT NOW. YOU CANNOT BE ON THE HOT WATER YOU COULD BURN YOURSELF OR LIVVIE."

I'm not really sure how my son was on the hot water as it's a tub/shower combo and the faucets are on the wall. Maybe he was in the sink. Whatever, I'm sure the son got the point.

PD "Dad, why is she standing like that?"

DH "Because I'm washin..."

PD "DAD DAD - WHY IS SHE PUTTING HER LEG UP LIKE THAT?"

DH - Total exasperation in his voice - "PD Livvie doesn't like to get a bath - do YOU like to get a bath?"

PD Yeah, I do...

DH - Sigh - "Ok, well you know how YOUR BROTHER doesn't like getting a bath - well neither does Livvie"

PD "Oh, ok"

DH "Now go get Daddy a......SON...YOU CANNOT CLIMB ON THE WASHER LIKE THAT!!! OMG YOUR MOM IS GOING TO KILL ME. GET DOWN NOW. THAT IS NOT A TOY, PUT THAT DOWN. YOU CAN DO LAUNDRY WITH MOMMY TOMORROW YOU DON'T NEED THE LAUNDRY SOAP. BOY!!! I'M NOT KIDDING. YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT I CAN'T COME OVER TO YOU RIGHT NOW. DAUGHTER!! WHERE ARE THE TOWELS? DAMNIT - LIVVIE DO NOT SHAKE! SIT... I SAID SIT!!

PD "Dad, why are you so mad?

It actually went even further as he cleaned Livvies ears...but I don't have time to type that. I'm grinning from ear to ear just thinking about it....

I love my family.

Only a slight irritation..

I’ve never said that I’m a good housekeeper. Actually, I think I’ve stated the exact opposite. But you know things are bad when you ask:

Honey, have you seen the stroller?

Now I can see overlooking or misplacing a shirt, keys, papers, diaperbag, cup, toothbrush, purse, hairbrush, glasses, food, dishes, etc. But a stroller??? WOW!! I need some serious re-organization.

And I’ll get right on it. When I have a “free” moment. Wait, free moments are to be spent focusing on me, not on the house or the kids.

So DH knew right where the stroller was (in the shed) and we loaded it, along with 5 bags, to take to GG’s in order to do our last round of trick or treating.

We took Livvie, dressed as a butterfly, and our princess and our dragon. All had a great time, except most of the time you heard this from my DH:

No, Livvie, you can’t go play with that dog.

Heel Livvie, followed by a dry Hhgggk, Hhggkk from her choking from pulling on her lead.

Then, HEEL LIVVIE – I SAID HEEL. – Yeah, she does well on a lead – WHATEVA.

The only thing that pissed me off was when someone asked “Is that a pit pull?” To which my DH gave a quirky smile that answered their question without words. While I am frantically yelling ahead – “No, she’s an Amstaff Terrier”.

Ok, so Amstaff's are a cousin to the Pit Bull. So what? I REFUSE to allow my precious Livvie to be grouped in with monster dogs. She is the best dog we’ve had…and trust me, we’ve had a few.

I just hate that DH is proud of the fact that we have a dreaded "Pit Bull". The same as he is proud that we have 2 Rottweilers. He says that he likes proving people wrong.

It seems like that's the theme of our life - proving people wrong.

Here are a list of things we've proved so far:

That you don't have to wear helmets when you ride a motorcycle
That Rotts and Pitts make great pets
That you CAN save money by heating with wood
That you can beat someone's ass and then have dinner with them the following week
That a woman can ride her own motorcycle
That a goody goody and a biker/trucker can make a marriage last
Kids can eat dogfood and not get sick
Peeing outside IS more hygenic than porta johns
That not all rednecks have broken down cars in the yard
That women CAN have multiple orgasms
That fat women ARE sexy
You can have a fabulous wedding on less than $2,000
That your marriage can survive a threesome

Ok, I made up that threesome part. Even though it's a fantasy, we haven't lived it, and probably never will. But it's fun to think about, isn't it!!

So, maybe tonight I’ll get to start on that whole organizing thing. Right after I do dishes, cook supper, and occupy my kids because DH is out of town – AGAIN.

Sometimes I hate being a married, yet single mother.