From: Countess
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 8:06 AM
To: Sa Sa
Subject: Drama
Yeah….DH and I got into a huge fight last night, but not about that. Actually it wasn’t much of a fight, it was more me screaming and him sitting there with his head down. It’s still has no resolution, but I don’t think there is one…
From: Sa Sa
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 8:10 AM
To: Countess
Subject: Re: Drama
What was it about….and if he had his head down then that means you were probably really brutal!!
Liza wants to borrow the book club book?? If so than she should read it first b/c I’m not in the mood to read it yet!! I think I will read it the first week in April
From: Countess
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 8:06 AM
To: Sa Sa
Subject: Drama
Well, I had a lot of running I had to do yesterday. So I talked to him and asked him if he could get the kids. He said he didn’t think it would be a problem, but check with him later in the day. I talked to him at 2:30 p.m. I asked him if he could still get the kids, so I could take my time doing my errands. He said, no problem, I’m dropping this trailer right now, and then I’m leaving, so I’ll grab the kids.
Ok, fine.
I get home at 5:00, and he still hasn’t picked the kids up yet. WTF??? Now I’m pissed. So I call him, he’s like, I’m…I’m….I’m on my way….I’ll get them…I thought you had running to do?
I said YEAH, I FREAKING ALREADY DID ALL OF MY SHOPPING AT DRUG MART, AND BROWSED THE LIBRARY, AND STILL FREAKIN BEAT YOU HOME TO GET THE KIDS…
His response? Whatever….
So I said goodbye and hung up. I grab my kids, where SIL informs me that DH is out buying parts for HIS FREAKIN TRAILER. Ummm…hello. If you needed to buy parts for your trailer you should have told me, and I would have gone and got the kids….
So when he got home, he was like…so are you going to tell me what I did wrong? Because I don’t know why you are so upset.
WTF? You don’t know why I’m mad? Well I’ll tell you. I can’t fucking count on you….that’s what. All I ever fucking ask is for PEACE OF MIND that my children are taken care of. I don’t want them at SIL's any longer than what they have to be…and you, you fucking lie and tell me you are on the way to get the children, and I, who had errends to run, still fucking beat you home.
I’m tired of it. I’m tired of everything being whatever if fucking best for DH. DH makes all the decisions for everyone at the house, so that he isn’t inconvenienced. It’s always all about DH, and I’m fucking tired of it.
Then after a few moments of silence, I hear him talking on the phone to Cooter, about the parts he bought. Ummm excuse me. Bought some parts? I spent almost $300 in groceries (including my drug mart run) and our mortgage comes out on the 10th. I had just enough money in there to cover that, and gas for me for the week. Did he fucking think of that?? No, he just takes what he wants, and expects me to make it happen.
Well fuck that, I chewed him out about that too…
Then he put on his boots, and left with Cooter to go work on his trailer. He got home about 8:30, (probably so he didn’t have to put the kids to bed) Shortly after he got home, I asked him to shut everything down, and put the kids to bed, that I was tired from the time change….and I went to bed.
He said, you know I don’t like going to bed with this between us. I said, I don’t mind. I’m not angry anymore. I’m just tired….
And I went to sleep.
From: Sa Sa [mailto:Sarah.Howard@odrc.state.oh.us]
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 9:53 AM
To: Countess
Subject: RE: Drama
Wow…..yeah……I feel that your right to be angry….he always does this and then he gets mad if you aren’t home everyday “waiting” for him!! He doesn’t have a right to be…. I mean he is always doing something everyday!!
And I wouldn’t want your kids at SIL's more than what they have to either….I think Demon Nephew is a bad influence on Princess!!
And he knew that what he was doing was going to make you upset otherwise why didn’t he tell you what he was going to do…..or call you when it became 4:00 to say he was running late….and at 2:30 he was dropping the trailer off?? So it took him 3 hours to buy the parts?? He is so stubborn that I don’t think he is ever going to realize what he is doing is wrong in the relationship and instead of looking at what he is doing he is blaming you….like you are being too hard on him!! I mean I see some of the things that he says that you guys need to work on….but Your things are way more important and would create a bigger impact on the marriage!!
I can totally see your frustration….and I don’t know how you could approach it to DH b/c I’m not sure what would work….your sarcasm and hatefulness obviously isn’t working….although it gets him thinking for a minute (note: obviously just a minute if he wasn’t bothered by it that much….to call Cooter and get his mind back on that darn trailer instead of the problem at hand) and then when HE wanted to deal with it (at bed time) that is when he wanted you to talk about it….not (during the day when he could be out doing something) when the problem was on the table!!
I think you guys need to set a time where you can lay all the problems on the table and get them resolved….and that should be the 1st step and the 2nd step is to seek professional help!! Don’t make me call Dr. Phil!!
From: Countess
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 10:01 AM
To: Sa Sa
Subject: RE: Email
That’s just it. Anytime I bring up issues I get one of two responses. 1 is that I need to discuss my feelings with my Dr., because obviously my medication needs adjusted, or “I need to realize that he doesn’t enjoy what he is doing when he is out and about. It’s called work, and he is doing it to better our family”
How can I argue with that?
Also, in regards to him wanting me to be home waiting….not only does he want that, but he wants me home everyday, so that he isn’t hindered by the kids and can go do what he wants.
Do you think it’s a coincidence that his dump truck and his brat are only 2 seaters. Convenient that he can’t take both kids, isn’t it? Sometimes not even one kid, because he has someone else going with him.
I’ve suggested just that…us discussing our issues, and he is all for it, but I can’t ever seem to pin him down to a date and time.
From: Sa Sa [mailto:Sarah.Howard@odrc.state.oh.us]
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 10:17 AM
To: Countess
Subject: RE: Email
Yeah it’s like if he ignores the issues then there are none…..out of sight out of mind kind of thing!!
Well if he wants to pull the “What I am doing is to better our family” than all I can say to you is get something that you can say the same thing!! Than maybe he will realize that it sucks being cooped up in the house with the kids all of the time!! (but you would have to find something that brought in more money than say the skids!!)
But most of the time that I notice….he is doing something that he wants to do……..I mean how does it benefit the family if his trailer is in 100% working order…..do you guys use it a lot??
Maybe if you do the same things that he does…than he will realize what he is doing……..for example…..next time you get groceries make him stay home with the kids….and stay out for more than 2 hours!! Stuff like that!! Than maybe when he starts into you about how long you were out….and it shouldn’t take that long to go grocery shopping you can say….I decided to use "DH time"…..it sucks doesn’t it!!! Oh wait that’s hateful isn’t it…….hmmmm so it should be easy for you hahahahahahahahaha j/k
From: Countess
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 10:24 AM
To: Sa Sa
Subject: RE: Email
Been there, done that, and got “Whatever, why do you have to be such a bitch?”
I would love to be out there making the extra money, but I’m not going to pay a sitter…and DH just does what he wants and expects me to take care of the kids….
And regarding the trailer. That was my point exactly. I mean, he NEVER uses the bocat any place other than home, so why do we need the trailer fixed so bad?
Because his bobcat was stuck at Rachel Rays (ha ha) and he needed it home to unload skids..
Ummm..really, because last I checked he brought those home in a dump trailer, and just dumped them out…
Hmmmmm
See what I mean, I don’t see any positive solution…..so I don’t know what to do…
From: Sa Sa
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 10:47 AM
To: Countess
Subject: RE: Email
Yeah and he doesn’t want to listen to what he does that doesn’t make sense!! Like fixing the trailer “Right Now” when you guys only use it to haul the bobcat!! And you really don’t take the bobcat anywhere but around the house….usually.
From: Countess
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 10:57 AM
To: Sa Sa
Subject: RE: Email
To sum it all up, here are his issues, in no particular order:
1) Selfishness
2) Poor Time Management
3) Unable to prioritize
4) Does not help around the house, because he feels that his doing the wood is much more difficult than keeping up the house
So basically he wants a woman whose sole joy in life is to make her man comfortable and happy, to always be waiting for direction from him, to get his permission on attending classes, or groups, or joining any exercise classes, while working a full time job, and taking care of the kids, cooking dinner at a reasonable time each night, those dinners to be low calorie and have lots of interesting vegetable side dishes, so that he doesn’t have to think about portion control, keeping the house completely clean, feeding the dogs and giving the proper doses of medication, schedule and take all of the children to any and all doctor appointments, changing all poopy diapers, drop children off at day care and pick children up from day care, take off work when children are sick, and washing, drying, folding and putting away EVERYONEs clothes.
And if he so much as folds one washcloth or carries his own dish to the kitchen, he wants major kudos about what a GREAT husband he is, and that he knows that he does SOOOO much more than other men around him…
Then the e-mail went into convincing me to go into marriage counseling. Maybe I do need to...I dunno....
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