Did you give her a drink after 8?

Remember on the Gremlins movie there were certain things you couldn't do or the cute little thingies turned into Gremlins?

Well, that's kinda how it is with my daughter. She can't have anything to drink after 8 o'clock at night, or she'll pee the bed. I know this, she knows this, and I thought my DH knew this.

I was wrong.

There's nothing better than waking up to a warm sensation on your side at 2 a.m.

The having a pissed of (better than pissed on, like me hee hee) DH raising his voice at your daughter, who is already upset and sobbing.

So, what the hell do you do to clean piss out of a mattress? We dried it up as much as possible, then putting baking soda on it, and then flipping it. I didn't know if I should scrub it with soap and water, or what??

I can't throw it away and get a new one. I'm lucky I got this one. And she'll probably have an accident again.

You get what you pay for.

Went yesterday to buy a pedometer.

Apparently it is wise to spend more than $8 on one. From the time you turn it on to the time you clip it to your waist it says you've already taken 5 steps.

So I hit the reset button while it's clipped to my waistband. Then I walk out to my car, and back into the house. According to the pedometer I walked 103 steps. Yeah.....not likely.

Damn it.

So I guess I'm going to take it back to good ol Wally World, and get a refund. What a let down.

On a side note, I kinda had a bad night with DH, due to my mental breakdown/emotional issues. But that's for another blog, probably on the other site, as the beginning of that breakdown was brought on by my saying "I'm guessing that you're rubbing my back because you want a blow job" Apparently that's an invitation to fight. Just so you all know.

Then this morning, when I dropped my kids off at my SIL's, out of the blue, she starts bragging about her calf muscles.

WTF? Do I care how big her calves are, and how toned? No. I could give two shits less. But I smiled and said "Good Job".

You know why? Cause I'm a doormat. Hence my mental breakdowns.

Damnit

OMG, I'm becoming Uncle Shiny Face!

I realized this morning that I have adapted a very undesirable trait.

I lie to my DH regarding the food that I eat.

Auntie Come Hither and I have talked about Uncle Shiny Face's eating disorder. He's a closet eater.

He eats normal at home, but leaves home and gets huge amounts of fast food, junk food, candy bars, and pop, energy drinks etc.

It has become an real issue in their relationship.

I've always agreed with ACH, and how he needs to stop. He needs to be honest, etc.

But here lately, since DH and I have been "watching our weight" and working out and such....I've been lieing to him.

I know that I'll get this 10 minute lecture in a stern voice, and crossed arms, and blah blah blah....

So I don't mention if I have some M&M's. I don't mention if I stop at McDonalds for breakfast. I don't mention if we order lunch at work and I get a cheeseburger.

I don't want the guilt lecture.

I guess I need to quit being a hypocrite.

Or he needs to quit trying to be my father/judge.

One of the two.

I will not smack my Mother-In-Law

Ok, I might smack her, not too hard. She is still grieving after all.

A lot of you have heard me complain about how my In Laws are certifiable RedNecks - borderline white trash???

Yeah, well here is a perfect example.

I came home yesterday, and my SIL was at my house. (She cleans for me twice a week, and I pay her for it, and it makes me happy. For at least the first hour I'm home on those days).

Anyhow, my SIL was sitting on my chair, and I was calling my MIL to see if the funeral home had given her any special Thank you Cards, or if we were just going to buy them ourselves. We had received a lot of gifts and cards, and I wanted to get a head start on completeing the Thank You's.

She wasn't home, so I just left a message. My SIL (who is sweet as pie, but kinda on the dumb side), said "MIL wants me to run her to the store"

I was like "wha??" "What are you talking about????"

She said, "Yeah, MIL wants to get some poster board, like the kind you use for garage sales, and some stakes. We're going to make 2 signs, one for her yard, and one for ours, that says "Thanks for your gifts, thoughts and prayers. Isn't that better than sending Thank you cards?"

I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I stood up, walked over to my front door. I stretched my neck while I picked up my ciggerattes and lighter. I turned back around, and looked at her as I opened the door.

"DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, TAKE HER TO BUY THAT STUFF. I'LL HAVE DH TALK TO HER."

SIL just looked at me with this blank kinda puzzled smile. She said ok, I won't.

It's better if I do the thinking for them. At least they listen. That's one step better than my dogs, or my kids.

A bitchin post

A bitching post.

Yesterday we received a sympathy card from some friends. We used to be very close to these friends, but for various reasons, we are more like acquaintances now. Mostly it’s because of me.

I’m very jealous of them and their lives. What kind of friend is jealous of another friend? Well I am, of them. First of all, they seem way more wealthy then we are. Now this is not the reason in itself that I am jealous. I have several friends that are better off then we are. Let’s be honest, it’s not difficult to be better off then we are.

First, let me explain that she is a S.A.H.M. Which is wonderful in itself. I’m glad she can be with her kids. He goes into houses that have been foreclosed and cleans them out. Apparently that is very lucrative.

Anyhow, they have a HUGE home, I mean, over 5,000 Sq. Ft. Which around here, is HUGE. Including a 6 car garage, swimming pool, the works.

They have a HUGE television….brand new. They have 2 BRAND NEW vehicles. One of which is a truck that I know was at least $70,000.00.

She goes shopping for clothes for her and her children at least once a week.

They went to Disneyland for Christmas. They took their BIL’s, MIL’s, FIL’s. For an entire week.

They bought a car (2008 Mustang) for a friend (rumored to be a friend with benefits).

I could go on and on.

Technically, as a friend, I should be happy for them. Excited for them. But I’m not. I’m jealous and resentful. WTF are we doing wrong that we don’t even have 1 of the above items???

So anyhow, we get a sympathy card, and it says that they don’t understand why we aren’t close anymore, they miss us, and love us, and want our kids to spend time together. They are there for us..blah, blah…and again, that they want us to be close again.

What should I say? What should I do? Tell her how I feel. That will more than likely just piss her off…..

How can I change my feelings? Should I??

And the journey begins.....again.......for the 15th time

Hey, at least I don't give up forever right?

I'm back on track to be healthful. According to my endocrinologist I have to lose 10 lbs to be out of the danger zone for diabetes. Then I can quit taking my meds for diabetes. Yippee!!!

So last night I went to the gym. According to the good Dr. I must incorporate 60 additional minutes of movement a day. So I've been trying to keep it simple. Go the gym when I can. I'm going to buy a pedometer. Dancing with my princess daughter. Stuff like that.

I REALLY pushed myself at the gym yesterday. DH was very proud....and I was proud of myself as well. Now I just have to try it again.

Oh yeah, and I got a new toothbrush. Normally this ins't major news, but I got my first electric one. Wow is that weird. I haven't decided if I like it or not. I can only imagine that's what it would feel like if I put a vibrator in my mouth.....not that I would ever do that......

Some sad news...

Sorry to not being here the last few days. My father in law unexpectedly passed away. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. The family is doing as well as can be expected.

How the EFF do they do it?

I must really really be lazy, or something.

According to the "world" I am supposed to work a full time job. Feed, clothe, bathe and entertain 2 small children, cook for myself and my husband, keep my home clean, do laundry...


AND WORK OUT 60 MINUTES A DAY!! All while eating properly.

You gotta be freakin kidding me....

Soy Nuts

So technically this weekend should have sucked. I'm battling a sever sinus infection, I have a cold sore on both my top and bottom lips, and my dog died. I'm not making that up to make me more pitiful.

She was 11 - and that's 1 year past her average life expectancy. I'm still in mourning, and my heart aches every time I think of her.

But that aside, I had a really great weekend. We did one last Christmas at my moms, which the kids LOVED. One more day of opening presents. And it was nice because I got to visit with my sisters.

Then on Sunday, we went to a church in town. We have made a New Years Resolution to get our butts to church so that our children don't grow up to be heathens. We had been invited to this church over and over for a long time. But we kept blowing it off.

But it was AWESOME. It far exceeded my expectations. The songs and the sermon kept my interest, and made me laugh. I felt better about myself and my life more so than I had in the last 2 years.

And the most amazing thing is that my DH (who believes he is going to hell, and is quite happy about that) actually enjoyed it as well. It gave us something to talk about, other than our children, and we are both looking forward to the next week. How amazing is that???? Pretty f(*&ing amazing, let me tell ya.

Oh yeah, and I went to the grocery store, so that we can eat better. I'm trying to make vegatables be the center of our meals, instead of meat. So I bought a TON of veggies aaannnnddd I bought myself a package of SOY NUTS!! Roasted/unsalted. I love them. And I read an article that they are really good for my eating style, as they are filling, and yet not calorie laden.

So I go to the Endocrinologist today for my test results from my bloodwork. Will I be diabetic?? Will I still have a Vitamin D deficiency?? Who knows. But I'm not even worrying about it.

I'm on a Soybean High!!

My moral compass is broken...

So I’m driving in to work this morning, and I hear them talking about an elderly couple that found $12,000 in the freezer of their newly rented apartment.

They turned it in to the police, but they hope the money will be returned to them.

WOW!! If I found $12,000, would I turn it in? I’d like to say, of course I would. But damn, $12,000 could really help me out. I could pay off some credit cards, minimize my debt, so that I could build a house sooner than when Jesus comes back.

Of course, my luck, some mafia guy would find me and start cutting my limbs off…

But hey, I wouldn’t mind missing a pinkie for $12,000.

Sick, aren’t I?

A typical conversation

DH: So how was your day?

Me: Pretty good, Ernie was, DAUGHTER, LET GO OVER HIS ELMO RIGHT NOW!!

DH: What was Ernie doing?

Me: Oh it was so funny, he went upstairs and SON, IF YOU DON'T STOP HITTING YOUR SISTER YOU ARE GOING IN TIME OUT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

DH: What did he do upstairs?

Me: Well he went upstairs, to the upstairs....THAT'S IT, SON YOU ARE GOING IN TIME OUT, DAUGHTER, STOP CRYING - HE DIDN'T HIT YOU THAT HARD.

DH: Sigh....

Me: (mumbling to myself) Why the fuck did I have kids again? Is this how I like to spend my time...noooo...I would like to be cooking dinner in peace and quiet, but instead I have to....OLIVIA (the dog) GO LAY DOWN. IF I TRIP OVER YOU ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO BEAT YOUR ASS.

DH: (says nothing, as he is now absorbed into the TV)

We have great communication at our house, don't we?

Who would have imagined?

Yesterday I get a call from my dad. He asks me if I remember Tim Farmer. Wow, yeah I do. He was a year older than me. Blonde and very cute.

Why?

Well, he works with me, and he asked if I was related to you.

WHAT?? Tim freakin Farmer remembered me?
WTF?

First of all, who remembers underclassmen?

Second, I don't think I spoke to him.....ever.

Third, why?

What about me does he remember? Did I stink? (I've asked several other people that went to school with me, and no, I didn't stink)

Was I extremely overweight? (Checked on that too...and um, no)

Did I look wierd? What. What is it that makes him remember me??

I'll be really pissed if he thought I was cute and never moved on it. I would have LOVED to date him. Back then I was a goody goody, but I probably would have rather given him my virginity, then who I actually did give it to.

Damn...it makes me want to stalk him and ask him......

No specific subject

I feel a little better today. Not 100%, but I would say I'm at about 80%.

I have a lot on my mind today. Lots of deep thoughts. Not really anything I can share. But it's preventing me from being amusing, even to myself.

One thought that I can share. I've never flossed. Honest!! I don't have disgusting teeth. They aren't perfect, mostly because I'm a smoker and a drink ALOT of tea. But I brush them regularly. I just don't floss. I'm afraid I'll cut myself. And who has time, honestly? I'm lucky I have time to brush my hair, let alone floss my teeth.

I forgot to thaw anything out for dinner, so that leaves pasta. Is gnocchi only supposed to be a side dish? Because I was going to make it the main focus of tonights dinner.

I need a different way to fix gnocchi other than top it with red sauce. My daughter doesn't eat red sauce. My son would make a huge mess.

Is broccoli a bad side to serve with gnocchi? I would rather make spinach, but what would be a good compliment to the gnocchi?

I don't have anything really good that I'm reading right now, and that irritates me.

I think I need to buy presents for my family get together this weekend, but I'm not sure, so I'll need to call my sister.

See what I mean? Not amusing at all.....Maybe I'll be better tomorrow

So far, so good

So I went and worked out last night. Only for about 25 mins, but still, that's better than nothing, right? I did some treadmill walking, and actually jogged for a whole 2 minutes. That's pretty good for my lazyass.

Then I did some weight machines and felt like a total idiot.

What is it about the gym that makes me an insecure ninny?

Sure, it could be because I'm the largest person there. I mean, everyone else there falls into two catagories

a) Skinny little women running their hearts out on an eliptical.

b) Muscular, sweaty, grunting guys, who won't make eye contact with me.

Then there's me. Working out alone. No partner to encourage me. No personal trainer to kick my ass. Just little ol fat me.

So, I go in and do what I feel capable of doing, and then leave. Maybe I'll work myself up to a half an hour tomorrow. We'll see.

So I left there and went to the library. I love going to the library. Unfortunatly I'm always rushed, so I don't have much time to browse. Someday I'll be able to take my leisure and look at whatever I want to without constantly checking the clock.

Tonight I'm making meatloaf. For some reason my kids LOVE meatloaf, so since they haven't eaten well for the last two days (they can't get past the sauerkraut smell)I figured they deserved something that they would like.

My DH let my older rottie stay in the house today, with Livvie, our Amstaf. I'm curious to see if I still have a house when I get home. Or if I still have 2 dogs.

Or if I need to severly beat both dogs. I'll keep you posted.

Is anybody out there???

Did anyone miss me? I mean, I was gone for appx. 2 weeks. Surely that has impacted someone’s life. Ok, maybe not.

The Holidays went as well as can be expected. The only major drama I had was that I thought my purse was stolen. Ok, lost. Whatever. Here I had put it on the end of my daughter’s bed when I carried her in from the car. Ok, only a slight anxiety attack. I can handle that.

Now, to focus on 2008. I need to have some goals. I’ll post my sexual ones on my other blog. This is the clean one.

1. Beat my children more. Seriously, a lot more. When I say stop hitting me, I mean it. We don’t hit in this family, damnit

2. Beat my dog more. Seriously, when I say stay in the kitchen, I mean, stay in the fucking kitchen.

3. Nap more. When I say that I want to take a nap, I mean it. I don’t mean I want to lay down, then get up every 15 minutes to fill a sippy cup, or stop a child from sticking his toys in the electrical socket. Sheesh…can I have an hour for myself?

4. Sweep my kitchen floor more often. It’s pretty bad when the dog won’t even lay down on it.

5. Get up earlier. Honestly, do I need to hit the snooze 6 times?? Nooo..just set my alarm clock for later.. Wait then I won’t be…ok, nevermind.

6. Try to stand up for myself, without coming across as a total bitch. This includes no dirty looks, no snorts when someone talks, no sighing, and no stony silences.

That’s all I can think of right now. Anyone else have any suggestions?