What I have found about Christian women being sexy.....

and my own opinion on what I have found.

I did a google search on christian women desiring to be sexy. Not very much out there. I did find a FABULOUS sight. I think it was christiannympho.com. Very, very awesome.

That aside. The majority of sites addressing these issues were made for teens. Apparently only teenage girls have a desire to feel sexy. I like to believe that only teenage girls are honest about wanting to feel sexy.


Another thing I learned is that there are so many facets to this line of questioning. This is a major - sitting by the fire discussing for hours - type of topic.

Anywho, back to the tpic. So the main theme of the sites I found is that dressing sexy is ok - as long as it is strictly for your husband and done in the privacy of your home. That by dressing sexy outside of your home you are tempting your brother to fall, which is directly against God, according to these website's take on biblical text.

Wow....did my hackles raise on that one. My feminist sesibilities were appalled! Then I calmed down and remember to pray. Ummm hello?? Isn't that the most important thing I've learned? It's truely best to go to God and lay it all out. Asking him to imprint on me and to have the Holy Spirit convict me of what is right for me. That is truely the only way to know what God intended for me. I needed the Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts and feelings as I was preparing to take in new information.

So....my next step was to find said bible verse about causing a brother to stumble. I wanted the verse only so that I could look it up in my own bible. I found it.

Romans 14:13.

Here is what my bible said.

"Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way."

Wow. The first part of that I love. In my circle of friends - well, I'll be honest. In the majority of Christians, judgment is thick. It's not specifically stated, but more implied. Or maybe I'm just paranoid and it's not there at all! But regardless I've felt it. Judgment based on lower class. Judgements of rednecks and hillbillies. Judgment of Yuppies and Richies....Judgement on people "living in sin", judgment on those who just live life a little differently.

The first part also dealt with a topic I touched on in my last post. That I changed myself because of the way my new circle of friends viewed me and my "mom" status. Ummmmm...right there it states to stop passing judgment. When this verse is quoted, by both web sites and people I know in real life, that first part is always skipped over. Convenient.

So then I look at the last part. Do not put any stumbling block in your brothers way. I like that. I took it as - do not intentionally go to your brother and try to make him fail. Don't set up your friends for failure.

Side note: the majority of bosses I've worked for could learn from that verse right there.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:

Here is the part I don't like and havn't been convicted to believe otherwise. Adults are adults. They are VERY capable of making decisions. Good and Bad. So I look at it as if I dress sexy, or post sexy pictures, it is up to the other adults reading my blog to decide if they want to look. I'll be honest, I want people to look. Men and women. I like attention. I prefer only positive ones who look to build my self esteem by commenting. But I will take the good with the bad.

But I was still not sure. Am I making my brother stumble? I mean, adults are adults. But I don't want to go against God. So I decided to read the entire chapter that brought forth said verse to clarify my confusion. I suggest all should read this personally, from their own bible so that when they comment on my post I am certain we have all read the same thing. If you don't own a bible, please let me know and I will mail you one.

I'm going to state my own interpretation. It talks about not judging A LOT. It uses the example of religions who allow foods and those that don't. Who is right, who is wrong. But in verse 5 it states that

"Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind."

That's that Holy Spirit conviction I was talking about.

It also goes on to say if one persons does something and views it as special, so does the lord. If someone else does something similar and views it as special, so does the Lord.

To me that means that even though you did something different, both area special to the Lord. It doesn't make either thing MORE special. It also goes on to say that we are each personally accountable to the Lord. So don't worry about what your brother does, they will deal with it one on one with God.

Verse 15 - and I'm saying this in my own words - please read it for your self -

Says that if your friend is upset because of what you do, you are not acting in love. Don't let what you do destroy your friend.

Ergo another conflict for me. I say that what I do shouldn't upset my friends. That because of their love for me they won't be upset, but happy for me. I'll be the first to admit that my line of thought is selfish. But how I feel nontheless.

Then it starts talking about food again. Which irritates me. I start thinking. Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to take this? Am I supposed to substitute HNT pictures for the word food? Is that what God intended for me to do?

Or was this written, for all intents and purposes, to address food? GRRRRRRRRRR.... That will be one thing that God will explain to me in Heaven, I'm sure. It's on both of our "to be clarified" lists.

So, ergo, I pray again for Holy Spirit conviction. But I'm not getting any convicting vibes. I rest on the last part of the last verse.

Verse 22

"...because eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin."

So as long as I am fully convinced that those HNT pics are not wrong, then I am acting in faith, and I am all good.

Ergo - after prayer and turning to my bible and God I am ok with it. There is no guilt in taking those pics. There is no guilt in sharing those pics. I am not doing it with the intention of causing a brother to stumble, but with the intention of building up my self esteem and sex life. Issues which I have prayed that God provide a way to make them better. And it seems He has.

Amen.

There should be no guilt in feeling sexy.

There, I've said it. Outloud. In front of everyone. Well, not everyone because I think only two people read my blog. But still.

Recently I've been caught up in being an "ideal" mom. Being an "ideal" wife. I've been dressing appropriatly for all occastions. Choosing outfits that don't show my cleavage or modifying ones that do. Not wearing anything super short. Letting my hair grown back to it's natural color.

Ok - I'm going to talk about sex. Stop reading if you feel it would be TMI. I'm giving you fair warning. I don't want anyone coming up to me and saying - "I can't believe you wrote that. I'm very disgusted" If you are easily disgusted stop reading now.

My sex life has had many peaks and valleys throughout the course of my marriage. My sex life has been at its best when I felt sexy. When I was doing HNT. When I was hearing others, not just my husband, tell me I looked hot. That made our sex life crazy!! Off the hook! My going after him agressivly every single day! We were happy, horny and satisfied with life.

Then my guilt kicked in. Comments from other mothers and wives about the inappropriatness of it. Guilt from the pulpit. So I tried to carry that on without - sigh - without feeling sexy.

Why does it take all that to make me feel sexy? DH is away a lot during the week. When he gets home, he is tired. Doesn't really have the energy to make me feel sexy. The sexiest comment I get from him recently is "Are you going to service me tonight?" Yeah, that's a huge libido killer right there.

My idenity as a women gets lost. It's nice to have reminders that even though I'm a bit heavy - even though I'm not the best house cleaner - I'm still a sexy woman.

Am I the only woman that needs to feel sexy? I mean, what's so wrong with that? Is there something I should be, besides write sexy posts and take HNT pics? Should I start doing my other blog again? Or am I crossing another moral boundry?

NKOTB 2009

That's right. You read it. I went to see New Kids On The Block for the first time last night.

It was a riot. Liza won tickets (as usual) and call to the day before yesterday to le me know I needed to find a sitter. DH stepped up and offered to work late on Mondy so he could be home on Tuesday to watch the kids.

Fantastik.

So yesterday me, Liza, another toepick, Liza's brother, his wife and her friend all drove up to Blossom.

There was a dance crew first, then some little kid that sangs 2 songs I knew. Then NKOTB. They have all aged very well. However Jon hasn't aged at all. We only saw him on the screens once that night. We, obviously, were at the back of the lawn.

But we danced and sang our hearts out. Mostly we laughed.

One pet peeve at Blossom is that anyone that performs there wants to call us Cleveland. It's not Cleveland. It's Cuyahoga Falls. But that just doesn't roll off the tongue like Cleveland I guess.

I didn't take any pictures, Liza took them all. So if she e-mails me I will post them.

Of course I got home around 1 - and I had promised DH some "Mommy and Daddy time". So I wasn't able to sleep until around 2 - and my eyes are on fire this morning. Oh well. It was worth it.

Totally Fun. All through the concernt I kept thinking that I would rather be praising God.

Another Big Fat Slap in the Face...

Wow....I am having a crappy week. I'm still dealing with major Drama from my sisters divorce. Being sucked in to the horrible high schoolish void has brought things to light that are very hurtful to me and I am trying to shove those feelings back into a dark corner in the back of my mind where I don't have to address them.

On top of that I found out today that the appraisal for our property didn't come in high enough for us to do what we want. We are still awaiting the actual appraisal so we don't know specifically why...but it was a crushing blow non the less.

I am feeling very emotional and angry today. I have held on to faith for so long. I have been the one to tell DH that he must have faith!! The Lord knows what we need. The Lord will provide...yadda yadda yadda yackity smackity.

I'm starting to believe that this is the best I'm gonna get. This is it. Because of choices that I made earlier in life - this is what I get.

I guess it's not that bad. A roof over my head. My belly is full. My kids are healthy and clothed. I'm just being selfish by asking for more.

I honestly try not to ask for much. I don't mind if I don't get anything for myself. I don't look for birthday or christmas presents.

But a secret small little place inside of me is begging. Please. Please. Please. Just let me have something really nice. A house of my own. A place that isn't over run by clutter and has complete floors, and no broken windows, and no drywall that needs replaced. Enough drawers in the kitchen for towels and utensils and silverwear. And a place for an effing dining room table. I would LOVE to have a table we could sit at and eat dinner together.

Sigh. Big Fat Sigh.

So we now have a new game plan. We are going to rent a pod thingie and move things out and re do rooms here. Eliminate clutter. Replace flooring. Replace drywall. Fix electrical outlets.

And live here. In this single wide trailer I HATE with a passion. For another 5 years. With DH being in a perpetual depression because he feels like he is working for nothing.

I will try to post pics of the work we are doing. To remind myself of how it used to look and how far we make it go. Maybe in 20 years, when we finnaly get our dream house, we will look back and say - wow - look how far we've come.

Book Recommendation

I just finished reading a FABULOUS book. everyne is beautiful by Katherine Center. Wow.

Fan effing Tastik.

A brief synopsis I took from booksonboard.com is

Lanie Coates just piled everything she owns into a U-Haul and drove with her husband, Peter, and their three boys (all under four) across the country. She’s left her parents, her friends, and all of the comforts of home behind–all because Peter is going to graduate school. Lanie wants to support him while he follows his dreams, but she suspects she’s ignoring her own. Unable to shake the feeling that important aspects of her pre-mom life have gone missing, Lanie decides it’s time to change her life, but can she find herself without losing everything she holds dear in the process?

This book really hit home with me. I've talked about my fight with depression and I wish I had this book 2 years ago to let me know that everything I was feeling wasn't weird.

This book truely captures what it's like to be a mom of multiple kids and how you lose yourself. I love how she handles finding herself. I love her views on marriage. I fell in love with all of the characters.

This is totally out of my "romance" block that I usually read. I hope someone else reads this so that we can gush about how right on the author is. If you have read it, please let me know.

A visit from your neighborhood appraiser

Ok, so as part of the home building process we have to have our property appraised. See what value of our property plus the new home equals what we need to borrow.

So on Monday I spoke to the appraiser. A very nice lady who told me that she was going to try to come out on Tuesday, but it would probably be Wednesday. I said no problem, if I leave on Wednesday, I will make sure my dogs are in the house.

That quickly, it went out of my mind. So Tuesday morning, I'm sitting at my computer, with my front door open, in my pajamas drinking some tea. My children were outside in their underwear.

Please note: my children playing in their underwear is an every day thing. They are both young, and we live in the middle of the woods. No one can see them but me, and I see them naked. So in their mind, underwear is equal to clothes.

Now that you have this visual......as I am sipping my tea I hear my dogs starting to bark. I sit up straight as I realize what they are barking about. I run to the door and yell to my kids to come in. I'm frantically waving my arms yelling for them to come in. My daughter keeps giving me a very quizzical look and saying "Why?". I said that we had company company and they were in their underwear. She said "So what?"

Before I could walk out and beat correct her, in pulls the appraiser. So I apologize to her about the state of my children and their undress. She laughs and says no problem.

She gets her stuff out and goes about her business, then yells a question to me. "Are you guys selling part of this off?"

At first I didn't know what she was talking about. Then I remembered...in my front yard DH had done some dozer work so it was all tilled up. Then, while I was grocery shopping, he took one of my real estate signs (remember, I used to practice real estate and am still a licensed realtor)and set the sign up in the tilled dirt.

Now, I'm sure you are thinking....why would he do that? What logical reason could he have for putting a realtor sign in their yard? No one can see it? We would never think of selling.

He put the sign in the yard TO SHOOT IT. He bought a new gun. He didn't have any targets to shoot at, so he took my sign out of the shed, put it into the ground, and shot it up.

As I explained this to the appraiser, I know she could hear banjo's in her head.

Wait, it gets better.

She continues doing her job....then starts kinda hopping over to me. I look down at her foot to see what happened.....yep, big pile of dog poopie.

She was wearing sandels.

I offer to turn on the hose for her, but that wasn't good enough. She needed to come in and wash it off.

Did I mention I hadn't done the breakfast dishes? Or picked up my kids after breakfast mess? Hadn't swept my kitchen floor? Needed to take the trash out??

Yeah, I'm curious to see what our places appraiser for now, LOL.

Life Groups

Our church encourages its members to join Life Groups. Because we only meet on Sunday mornings, this provides an opportunity to get together with other like minded people and share life together.

Some people have really fab life groups. They are truely doing life together.

Ours....not so much.

Now this isn't anyones fault, per se. But something happened this week that really made this weigh on my mind.

Our life group leader was in a motorcycle accident on Friday. I didn't know about it until Sunday, at church, where I saw him all banged up.

This got me thinking....if something major happened in my life, would I contact anyone in my life group to tell them? I mean, theoretically that's what we are supposed to do. That's part of doing life together.

My answer is no, I wouldn't. And that makes me very sad. I feel like I'm missing out on something.

The only time we really see our life group is when we have our meetings. We don't "do life" together.

Who am I kidding? We don't even do life at our meetings. There is very little interaction and about 5% of sharing what is going on in our lives. I guess because I'm a put it all out there kind of girl, I think that others should too.

I don't know if there are excercises we should do as a group to bring us closer or if I'm just in the wrong group. I crave deep discussions. The ones that my "non-christian" friends and I have around a campfire, or at each others kitchen tables.

It would be nice to know that I could call on them in the middle of the night, but they would be the last I would contact.

I'm praying about it. Maybe God will send me a sign. Maybe, if the Lord wills, we get our new place we will start our own.

Who knows?