Monday, September 29, 2008

Here's a dilemma...

So my BFF Liza shared a secret with me. A pretty major secret. A BFF type of secret. I will not display her secret here. However, it then prompted me to share a secret with her. In a roundabout way.

I feel so exposed. Which is ridiculous. Liza knows all of my innermost everything. I watched her child being born. I've seen her vagina!! I mean, who is closer to me? No one.

So why do I feel so scared and exposed and nervous? Why don't I want her to read what I wrote until I leave her house?

I think that I never really relax around anyone. I relax the most around her...but I still guard myself a bit from her. I completely tore that down. So I am now not keeping ANYTHING from her.

Whew, so there. I feel better getting that out. Now....we'll see what she says to what I wrote.

2 comments:

PrincessButtercup said...

It's good to know I'm not the only one. I will/would never judge you. You know that. It can only make me love you more :)

Anonymous said...

Since I cannot get this to post over on Lizas page...

As someone who has been in this exact situation, I know exactly how you feel.

I tore my family apart for what at the time I thought was what was going to make me feel like a whole person again. Something that didn't just feel like I was going through the motions of everyday life.

It started with the occassional chat online. Then it went to everyday I hurried home JUST to get online to see her name pop up on my IM screen. Then it went to meeting her in a public place (because I didn't trust myself to be alone with her). Then I finally got the guts up to go to her house and sit and chat with her. It was all downhill from there. My wife at the time didn't stand a fair chance in hell.

I look back on that time. I know I was wrong. I cheated on my wife. I cheated on my family. I lost my children because of it. The ONLY thing I regret is the way I did it. I should have waited. I should have seen the way it was going, and stopped it. But I thought I had this connection. I thought we were on the same page feelings wise. She was leaving her husband too, she was looking for something. I thought I was it.

Then everything fell to shit. Nothing she said to me was true. I found out she was really with another guy.

I saw her for what she was (not saying "kermie" is anything like her). I saw the entire "relationship" for what it was. Useless.

I am glad that I finally saw what it was I was looking for. I am glad I finally found what it was/ IS that I was looking for in Starbux. She does make me feel like a man again. She makes me feel like I can do anything again. The only bad thing is, I don't have my kids here with us all the time.

I love you to death. You are a smart woman. You know what you're doing in life. So I will not even try to give you any advice. I can only tell you where that path led me.

LOVE!!!
Wicked