Livin in an Amish Paradise....

I STILL don't have power. Yep, it's Wednesday and I've been without power now for 4 days.

I'm getting so tired of lugging water up from the creek and washing in the rain barrel.

My kids love peeing outside though. I can't quite get my eyes used to reading by kerosene latern light. Or candle light. So I've been going to bed really early. 9:15 at the latest.

This morning, I was feeling around for my deoderant in my bag, and cut a chunk off the top of my right ring finger with my razor. That's going to make for a really fun typing test. Yeah, part 2 of the civil service exam today, and I now have a major handicapp. That sucks.

Ok, we've had enough trials and attacks, I'm ready for the blessigs. I was discouraged this morning, but I'm feeling more positive the more awake I become. Could be the sugar high from my coffee.

Well, I gotta run, the butter won't churn itself.

...and I'll huff, and I'll puff...

No, my house didn't get blown down, but it felt like it was going to. The wind last night was CRAZY. I'm still without power. It really really sucks.

But here's a weird thing. DH and I met with a financial guy on Friday. His work is based on faith in Jesus Christ. Which I have.

Ok, so he made a comment that stuck in my mind. He said, now that you two have professed your relationship with Christ, and your willingness to make your life prosperous to reflect his goodness (or some such words like that) you will be both attacked spiritually, and blessed spiritually. DH and I waited until he looked away then we rolled our eyes at each other.

I was thinking in my head - Whatever dude, just tell me how I can save enough money to buy or build my house, k?

So that was Friday, fast forward to Sunday. After church DH and I make a little road trip down about 1 hour away from us to purchase a fridge that seemed like a good deal.

It was a good deal because it was in our price range, and it worked. We didn't care about anything else.

So we pick it up and it is awesome!! Water and Ice dispenser works, climate controlled drawers for veggies.....all for $125.00. WOW!! Ok, that is a spiritual blessing. I mean, how fantastic.

We get home and get ready to go to small group. See our church only has service on Sunday mornings. So to keep us from being heathens the rest of the week we have small groups of people get together to discuss the sermon, or other topics weighing on our minds.

Then the wind started to blow.

We came home to an almost disaster.

If we had been home instead of at small group ALL OF OUR VEHICLES WOULD BE INOPERABLE. That's right, all of them. And we have 3. One car was still at home, and did have a tree top snap off and hit it in the center of the hood, leaving a HUGE dent. Luckily this is a work car that doesn't look that great to begin with. I'll try to post pictures tomorrow.

Another trees snapped off in the center and fell onto our driveway RIGHT WHERE WE USUALLY PARK OUR VEHICLES. DH had driven seperately to the small group meeting because he was still installing our fridge when it was time to get there.

Wow....that's just freaky. Thank goodness I've got the Lord on my side.

I hope everyone else made it through the storm.

FAKER!!

For once I'm not talking about orgasms. If I were I would limit it to my other blog. No, today I'm talking about putting on fake personas.

Last night we had a Girlfriends night at our church. It was a lot of fun, we made necklaces, and talked about breast cancer and won a lot of great prizes.

However, I was extremely uncomfortable the minute I walked in. At first I thought it was my anxiety kicking in. If I hadn't got control over it quickly, it probably would have turned into a full blown panic attack.

I feel woefully inadequate to the women in my church. There are several "cliques" I guess you could say. Which I'm sure is the same at any church. But the one I keep getting looped in with is what I call the "beautiful people". These are the women who are thin and wear trendy clothes. Their hair is perfectly styled and make up looks completely natural.

I'm sure most of you have figured out, I am NOT thin nor do I wear trendy clothes. I'm lucky if my hair is brushed and I have makeup on.

So I'm looking around at the women standing and talking to each other in their trendy clothes, and I realize that I have NO ONE to talk to.

The other group/clique are the homeschooling moms. I would say that 80% of the women in my church homeschool their kids. Amazingly my pastor's wife does not. But I feel like such a poop because I work.

Just another kick to my already deflated self esteem.

So now I have my fake smile pasted on as I make my way to my seat to hopefully blend into my chair. I keep thinking that I hope no one notices that I have no one to talk to.

I have now officially put on my "fake Bekki". I feel completely artificial when anyone approaches me and asks me any type of questions. I feel as though they are weighing and judging every word I say. The color of my lipstick while they watch my lips move. The height of my neckline. I could go on and on.

This is a common problem. I hear people say all the time that is why they quit going to church. Or why they don't go to church.

I realized that the women there probably aren't judging me. At least most of them aren't. They probably have the same insecurities that I do. Or different insecurities.

I'm sure I just need to get to know them better and I need to quit being so critical of myself and others. This is my prayer for today:

Lord, please help me to see myself and others in my church in a more positive light. Help me to make friends in my community that I have a lot in common with.

Oh yeah, and Lord - please give all of the beautiful people pimples. In Jesus name, Amen.

(Disclaimer: I'd never ask the Lord to smite someone with any amount of seriousness, I am just joking)

I said I'm sorry for pushing him.

Yesterday, my DH and I were watching an episode of the Dog Whisperer. Most of you remember my intense fascination with Caesar Milan. Ok, maybe not so intense since I'm not sure I spelled his name write, and I don't feel like looking it up.

Anyhow, my two little blessings were outside playing on their swings set and climbing slidey thingy. Pretty soon, the daughter comes running in with the son whimpering behind her.

"Mom, I said I'm sorry to him."

"What? DH, pause the TV. What did you say sorry to your brother for?"

"I said I'm sorry for pushing him off the slide."

"DAUGHTER!!! Which slide did you push him off of?"

"The big one mommy. I said I'm sorry for pushing him off the slide." She is talking about the slide that is about as tall as me. I'm 5'5". It's probably only 5'.

"How far up was he?"

"Really high Mommy"

"Son, come here. Are you hurt? Are you bleeding? Do you have a bump? Scrape? Boo Boo?

"No Mommy, Bubby (He calls his sister Bubby, I don't know why) Bubby push me on slide."

"I know honey, but Mommy needs to know if you are hurt"

"No hurt Mommy, Bubby said Horry" That's not a typo, he replaces H's for S's. He's only two, remember.

"Ok, well maybe you two should come inside and relax for a few minutes."

In unison, "No mommy, we'll be good."

Then they take off flying out the door.

Man I love how tough my kids are.

We are fam - ily

My family reunion is this weekend. I wasn't sure it was still going to happen, with everyone coming up for my grandfather's funeral. But we are still having it.

I got put in charge of children's activities on Saturday.

Yippee!!

If all I can post on Monday is Buh Buh Buh Buh Buh Buh you'll know why.

A nice reminder of how stupid I really am.

I have submitted my resume for consideration for a position at the local government office. A requirement of this position is that you take the Civil Service Exam. Yesterday was the written portion.

Actually, my sister and I both applied for that position. So we went together to take the test.

Let's just say that the Lord was giving me hints from the beginning. First we went to the wrong effing building.

See, the government was nice enough to send out letters giving directions and a list of items to bring. Since I didn't have to bring any item, I just skimmed the letter.

Just a word of advice - if you get a letter from the government, READ IT ALL. Word for word, and bring it with you, just in case.

Luckily there was a lady in the building and she told us it was at the Civic Center. So we FLY over there breaking all sorts of speed limits and dodging pedestrians. (Hey, if you see a car coming down the sidewalk, MOVE!)

We get there and end up standing in line! There ended up being 121 people applying for this same position.

Let me tell you - some of those people should not have been there. The test was multiple choice. Standard bubble test. Standard instructions read at the beginning. Make sure you make a complete mark, make sure you don't leave any blank, blah blah blah.

Then it's question/answer time. One lady asked this question "So, if we don't know the answer is it better to leave it blank, or guess and fill one in?"

The procter was much kinder than I would have been. I would have said "If it were up to me, I'd fill it in - Now what is your number again?" Then I would have shredded her test when she turned it in.

Anyhow, I started this test and was immediatly heart broken. All of the questions were multiple choice. 100 total questions - 2 hours to complete. These were the sections and my grade (how I think I did - I will not receive actual results for 3 weeks):

1. Spelling D
2. Math F
3. Comprehension A
4. Budgeting C
5. Office skills A

So as you can see, I did very poorly. I now have a wounded self pride - and I think this answers the question on whether or not I should go back to school.

BUT, based on my interaction with the court system in that City - They will hire me right away!

I wasn't kidding about the napping thing....

In previous posts I have mentioned that sleeping is one of my favorite hobbys. This is a tradition passed down through my family. Many people have a hard time understanding this.

When I was growing up my family did a lot of "visitin". My dad has 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Plus one cousin that was raised with him like a brother. So every weekend, and sometimes through the week either we would load up in the car and go to one of their houses, or they would come to us.

The normal routine would be visit for a few minutes while we waited to eat. Then we'd eat. Dad (or Uncles) would have some type of sports on. The women would sit and gossip.

Slowly everyone would find a soft place to crash. It could be on the floor. It could be on the couch. The kids would go to the kids rooms and crash on floors and beds.

Everyone would doze on and off for a few hours.

Anyhow. Since I married the sleep nazi I haven't had the pleasure of that much sleeping. Until yesterday.

I went over to my grandmother's to check on her. I've made it a vow to see her at least once a month, if not more.

So I knock and get no answer. That's weird, because I KNOW she's home. So I try the door and walk right in. I yell for her and she answers. She said she'd been napping on the couch. I told her to go ahead back to napping, that I would nap with her. So I crawled onto my grandpa's favorite chair and kicked back. I could still smell a little bit of his cologne. Grandma was back asleep before I got settled in. Then we slept for about an hour until my sister got there with my kids.

We have decided that during my monthly visits we will nap, then just chat for a few moments before I leave. That's enough bonding for us.

Does anyone else love sleep THAT much? Or is my family a bunch of sleepyheads?