Freaky Friday

Check out my post on my other blog.

Random Thought

I don't really have an exciting topic to blog about today. My mind is scattered this week.

But I did have an epiphany. A few of my work collegues were discussing the gas prices. The other girl here said we were going to have to start showing our legs and hitchhiking to work.

I said, No, then I'd have to shave my legs every day. I'd rather just show my tits.


Hmmmmmm, wonder what they think of me now?

Because I'm Lazy

Born in: Canton, Ohio

Raised in: Various Cities, Ohio

Planned baby: If you count sex at a church weiner roast, then yes

Birth date: April 24

Youngest or oldest: oldest

Hair length: Which hair???

Eye color: Blue

Mood: tired

Height: 5'5"

Lefty/Righty: righty

LOVE LIFE:

Do you remember your first real relationship? With anger

Shortest relationship: Do one night stands count?

Have you ever been heartbroken? yes

Have you ever fallen for a friend? yes i have............

Are you afraid of commitment? Only to mortgages...

Do you believe in love at first sight? Lust yes, love, no


THIS OR THAT:

Love or money: This time I married for Love, next time it's for money

One night stands or relationships: One night stands

TV or internet: Both, at the same time (I'm such a tramp)

Pepsi or coke: Diet please

Wild night out or romantic night in: what's romance?

Phone or in person: Sex

HAVE YOU EVER:

Have you ever been caught having sex?: Yup!! Lotsa times

Have you ever skinny dipped?: Yup

Have you ever finished a novel in a day? Yep

Have you ever been streaking? Yep - it was an initiation rite for a group I belong to

Have you ever fallen in public? Yep, while carrying my child in her carseat....and no one offered to help, or to see if me or my baby was ok.


ARE YOU:

Are you a silly person?: Nope, always straighlaced

Are your parents still married? Nope


OTHER:

How do you dress? I prefer to wear sexy nighties, but the people at Walmart look at me funny

Are you scared of growing up old and alone? One can only dream.....

WTF?

So, since I've been classified as "borderline diabetic" (whatever that means) I've been trying to lose some weight.

Have I been doing anything differently? No.

Have I been working out? No.

Isn't that great? Aren't you proud of me?

I've gained 4 freakin lbs in the last month or so. GAINED!! Not lost.

Ok, so this morning I've decided to track what I eat, to shame me into eating less.

Also, I'm going to take pictures of myself in my underwear to try to motivate me. Or help me puke after meals. Either way, win/win.

A random fact about me

I have to go to Discount Drug Mart (DDM) at least once a week. I have been doing this for the last 3 and 1/2 years. Most weeks I go to DDM, then also to a grocery store.

I spend roughly $50-$60 at DDM and $100 at the grocery store. Unless I missed the grocery store. On the week I skip the grocery store, I spend about $100 at DDM, and then the following week I spend about $150-$200 at the grocery store.

I know what you are all thinking...what the HELL are you spending so much money on?

Well here are things that I HAVE to have each week:

1) Diapers- appx. $9.99 for 34 diapers. Some weeks I have to buy 2 packs - 1 for my house, 1 for the sitter.

2) Wipes - appx. $6.99 - again, 1 for my house, 1 for the sitter. Sometimes I can skip a week on this item.

3) Kool-Aid - 7 packs for $2.00

4) Cereal - Roughly $1.99 per box - Generic DDM brand

5) Bread - $1.49 per loaf - 2 loafs per week.

6) Milk - $2.49-$3.99 per gal.

7) Dog food - $7.99 per 40lb bag - 1 bag lasts appx. 1 week.

8) Laundry Detergent - this is an every other week thing - $3.99, if I get it on sale

9) Sugar - I have no idea the price on this one, but I buy one every week, because we make so much tea and koolaid

Those are just my basic "must haves".

Then I make out my menu's for the following week, and buy whatever ingredients I need for those meals. I like to try new meals at least 4 times a week, and only try to eat out once a week at most.

So does everyone else do this, or am I putting more work into this than I should?

A day off

So I had to take yesterday off work, because my sitter had a serious doctors appointment, and my back up had already made plans.

When I told the daughter that I wasn't going to work, she said, Thank you Mama, thank you for spending the day with me. Sometimes she's so sweet that I almost regret beating her. (Trust me, she deserves it)

We had a pretty good day, topping it off by going to the library, where the son decided to hide from me, and piss off the librarians by running behind the checkout counter. I got A LOT of very hateful stares.

Fuck em I say. That was probably the most excitement they've had all day, chasing my little lovely around while he dodged and weaved like a pro.

It's kinda difficult to run with books in your arms. And I got a lot of dirty stares when I yelled to a perfect stranger, "Catch that little bastard" Oh, but he loves my pet names for him...

Then we went to Pamida to shop for outfits for picture day. They had ZERO dress up outfits.

WTF, I mean, they have every other christmas thing out, why not outfits????

So after teaching my daughter to say, stupid fucking Pamida, we went home.

The craziness starts tomorrow, so I probably won't post until next week. I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving.

It's Picture Time!

The kids get pictures taken this Friday at Sears.

I'm so on top of things as a mom that I don't even have outfits for them yet.

Would it be in bad taste to have them get their pics in their play clothes?

If I wanted the picture to be true to life, I would have it taken in underwear and diaper, as this is what they prefer to wear.

Actually, they prefer to be completely naked, but the girl likes to touch herself if she's naked, and the boy doesn't know the meaning of the word "control" yet. So I allow minimal naked time.

So what do I do when I'm down to the wire? I call my mommy. See, my mommy shops - ALOT. And she LUUURRRVVEEESSS to brag about what she buys for the kids.

So I figure I let her know that I don't have an outfit yet, and PRESTO, like magic, she'll show up with one.

Well, at least she does for my sister's kids. I'm going to see if that works for me too.

So far, so good

Well I started out my monday morning learning that I actually won something!! Yippee!! One of my daily reads, Simplifying Motherhood gives away books. You can enter by commenting on the blogs. Which I did.

I'm so excited to get the book. I love to read.

The grass is always greener....

DH had a small melt down last night. I've had the same meltdown several times, so I know how he's feeling.

Sometimes, on our path we've chosen to walk together, it seems like we keep running into steep hills, and walls and seemingly dead ends, and all kinda of obstacles.

It seems like we struggle and struggle to be good parents, and have low debt, and scrimp and save, and we both work hard, with him working 60+ hours most weeks, but we never get ahead.

Most of our friends live in fabulous houses, with fabulous cars, and wear the latest clothes, and go on shopping sprees etc.

We live in a single tube, the newest vehicle we own is an 04 and the transmission light is on in it.

The last "shopping spree" I went on was for a bra because the only ones that fit me were nursing bras and I haven't nursed for over a year.

I'd say 98% of my clothes are hand me downs from people who have either gained or lost weight.

Wow, I'm depressing myself just reading this.

But like I told him last night when he was bitchin about never getting ahead, and never having it easy:

We have a GREAT marriage, a pretty good sex life that keeps getting better, fabulous healthy children, a warm place to sleep at night, and full bellies.

Nothing else matters.

Except that Princess Set I want to get for the daughter for christmas....

Quiz Thing

Here is an e-mail between my sister and myself this morning:

This was my answers regarding her:



Body: So You Think You Know Me...
(2 Points) My name: Dear
(4 Points) My last name: Sister
(4 Points) Who am I in love with: Yourself (Ha Ha) – I guess Prasanna
(1 Points) Where did we meet: Ummm..at the hospital I’m guessing
(6 Points) Take a stab at my middle name: I dunno – Dork? (the correct one)
(1 Points) Where do I work: Some Indian place helping people come into this country
(3 Point) What am I afraid of: Poverty?
(2 Points) Do I smoke : Only weed
(3 Points) Do I drink: Only on days that end in Y
(3 points) Do you think Im a virgin: Ha Ha Ha…I’m still laughing over that one.
(1 Point) Do I have any siblings: Nope, only child
(2 Points) How many: I said you were an only child, that means 0 siblings
(2 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do: Have sex?
(1 Point) How many piercings do I have: 5, 2 in each ear and one in your nose (unless you have one in your cha cha that I don’t know about)
(4 Points) How many tattoos do I have: None (loser)
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music: You prefer classical, but will listen to Folk if you have to
(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing: Very very shy. We’re working on getting you to open up and share a little bit
(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: Total Rebel -
(2 Points) Whats my favorite color: Ummm…fushia? (Green)
(3 Points) Name something I hate: Me?
(4 Points) Name a talent I have: Playing the skin flute
(4 Points) Whats my phone number: 666-666-6666
(4 Points) What kind of sneakers do I wear: Hooker Boots
(4 Points) Do I have any pets: A Monkey (in your pants) Ha Ha
(2 Points) Who am I dating/likeing right now: A terrorist (according to our Dad and Step Dad)
(5 Points) How long have I been dating/liking them: A few years now
(5 Points) What is my worst habit: Breathing
(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring: A Vibrator, books, food and a huge supply of batteries (oh wait, that’s me) A phone, food and TV

Now here is her response to me:

Body: So You Think You Know Me...
(2 Points) My name: Countess
(4 Points) My last name: B Formally know as *****
(4 Points) Who am I in love with: Yourself!! Ok maybe DH too
(1 Points) Where did we meet: mmmm good question…at a bar
(6 Points) Take a stab at my middle name: Ann (I actually had to think about that one)
(1 Points) Where do I work: *******
(3 Point) What am I afraid of: Paying Bills LOL
(2 Points) Do I smoke : Yeah like a chimney
(3 Points) Do I drink: Only on days that end in Y
(3 points) Do you think Im a virgin: Yep some how you birthed two kids and remained a virgin (you must be Mary).
(1 Point) Do I have any siblings: Not sure you are adopted
(2 Points) How many: Not sure …we picked you up on the side of the road
(2 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do: touch yourself
(1 Point) How many piercings do I have: 3 piercings (b/c your too scared to get one on your cha cha)
(4 Points) How many tattoos do I have: 4 (unless you have one on your butt)
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music: Books on CD
(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing: Biotchy
(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: You don’t know what rules are!!
(2 Points) Whats my favorite color: Blue
(3 Points) Name something I hate: non-smokers
(4 Points) Name a talent I have: being hateful
(4 Points) Whats my phone number: 333-333-3333 (that is the son of Satan b/c you are below me LOL)
(4 Points) What kind of sneakers do I wear: Wal-Mart brand
(4 Points) Do I have any pets: 3 Dogs
(2 Points) Who am I dating/likeing right now: A biker Trucker guy (I hope DH doesn’t find out)
(5 Points) How long have I been dating/liking them: I don’t know like 6 I think
(5 Points) What is my worst habit: Reading
(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring: well you already answered that one A Vibrator, books, food and a huge supply of batteries



I love my sister - she knows me so well.

No, I'm not busy

Here is a cold hard truth. I don't much care for my nephews. There I said it. It's out there. Now that that is out there.

I told my DH on Sunday, that I WAS NOT allowing my nephew to come home with me on Monday.

Then my SIL calls me and gives me some cockamamey story about how she can't take him with her to wrestling because she has to fill out papers, blah blah blah.

So I, being a good SIL, say, sure, bring him down. I glance frantically at the clock. It's only 5:30 - she won't be home until 8 or 8:30. Ugh....at least 3 hours of that hellion. Too long to lock him in the dog cage, besides, I think he's bored with playing "bad doggie".

It's not that I don't like kids. I do. I love mine. But it seems like my nephew irks the SHIT out of me.

I can handle him for about an hour. Then I just want to start throwing things. Or starting throwing up, or something.

My daughter LOOOOVVVVVEEESSS her cousin. They play together for most of the day (because my SIL watches my kids). Even after spending hours together, she will ask if he can come over when I come home. Most of the time I'm able to say no, because I have other things to do. But sometimes I have to watch him because my BIL is working, and my SIL has to take the older heathen to wrestling.

First of all, he is destructive. Every single freakin time he comes over, he breaks something.

GRRRR!! Since he does it out of my sight, then blames it on my 1 year old son, I have to punish both him AND my daughter. They just sit and giggle throughout time out.

Also, he's a year older then my daughter (that makes him 4) and he doesn't speak as well as my daughter. Which REALLY makes me grit my teeth. And when I explain something to him, he just looks at me with this kinda blank look and says "yeah" to everything I say.

In this example, he is CFH (Child from Hell):

Me: CFH, did you break that sword?

CFH: No.

Me: Ok, Daughter, did you break this sword?

Daughter: No mommy, CFH did.

Me: CFH, Daughter said that you did. Now tell me the truth, did you break this sword?

CFH: Son did (Note, not a complete sentance)

Me: CFH, Son is a baby, he doesn't have enough strength to break this sword. I'm going to ask you one more time, and I want the truth, DID YOU BREAK THIS SWORD?????

CFH: (with that blank, annoying look on his face, and a careless smile) Yeah

Me: We don't break toys in this house, understand?

CFH: (with that blank, annoying look on his face, and a careless smile) Yeah

Me: Now you will sit in time out for 4 minutes for breaking that toy and telling me a lie.

CFH: (with that blank, annoying look on his face, and a careless smile) Yeah

Me: CFH, do you want me to beat you with a ball bat?

CFH: (with that blank, annoying look on his face, and a careless smile) Yeah

I HATE THAT!! It makes me feel like I'm dealing with a mentally challenged child. Which he IS NOT!!

But I put on my "good and responsible" aunt hat, and try to teach him normality, and the proper way to act.

And when that fails I beat him with a ball bat - hard.

LOOK AT ME, DAMNIT!

I think I'm an attention whore. Or something.

Let me go back a bit. I used to be a total goody goody. I think I've mentioned this before, or maybe I mentioned it here. I've never done any drugs, didn't drink until I was out of high school, didn't have sex until I was 17. I've only had 3 sexual partners, the third and last being my DH.

I was even given the nickname of Queen of the Goody Goodies, being shortened to Queenie, which people still call me to this day.

Now it's a little different.

I won't go into exactly why, but I'll get to the point of my post.

First of all, I work in a somewhat conservitive type job. I've always worked in an office. I've always had (and still have) an upmost professional appearance and demeanor. People tease me about my message on my cell phone, and how I answer my phone at home.

However, I'm addicted to tatoos. Guys that have tatoos make me hot. Ok, girls that have them make me hot too.

I love them on myself. I love looking at them. I love getting them.

I only have 3, but I want more. I plan for them, and they all symbolize something in my life.

But this weekend, I pierced my nose. WHA!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?

I have always loved my sisters nose piercing, but never thought I'd do it to myself. But DH was getting his second sitting on his tatoo and he was like - "just go do it"

First of all, it hurt like a mutha (I always wanted to say mutha). Second, it's done by hand.

The needle they use is HUGE. At least 2 1/2 inches long.

They shove a tube up your nose because they have to push the needle all the way through, and they need to have something in there to catch it.

Now that Avitable (whom I imagined naked to take my mind from the pain) showed me how to post pics, I'll post some on here to show my tats and my piercings.

THEN - NO WAIT THERE'S MORE - THEN I WENT AND DIED MY HAIR BLACK.

Everyone says I look Goth. That's not the look I was going for.

The moral of the story is, I like to shock people. I like people to pay attention to me.

And I'm tired of showing my tits.

What to talk about???

So I don't know what to talk about today.

The beads that have GHB? (Good thing they weren't anal)

That I'm having a bonding day tomorrow with my mom and my sisters? (Pedicures, Sushi, Hair Styleing Galore)

That I'm going to have my sister take a picture of my breasts so that I can remember when they were perky? (Ok, they are only perky when they are in a bra, so they will be in a bra in the picture)

That I really need to focus on losing weight, you know, not eat whatever the hell I want? (I can say that when I'm not hungry, ask me again in a few hours and Satan will growl "I'll eat whatever the hell I want" from somewhere deep inside me.)

That I found grey hairs this morning? (I think they are blonde, but no one else does)

That I look great today, and no one has noticed? (Umm, hello assholes, a little bit of compliments goes a long way)

That all the guys here reassure me that I'll look like shit for dyeing my hair dark? (Fuck them, I don't care. I want something DIFFERENT, and I was told I'd lose my job if I pierced my nose. Now piercing my tongue is ok....guess my boss is still hoping for a below desk blow job)

That I need someone to tell me how to post pictures to my profile, and to the blog, because I'm HTML/Blogger/Internet retarded? ('Nuff said)

The Basics

So, I don't know blog etiquette. I don't even know how to spell etiquette.

For instance, I read the blogs on the left daily. I'm afraid to leave a comment. I mean, I think I'm totally different from their "usual" readers, and I'm afraid my comments will seem trite, or dumb, or worse yet, naive.

There are a few blogs that I actually feel comfortable enough to leave a comment. But, as I'm sure they will tell you, I need more practice on being witty.


I used to be funny, back before I had kids and before "the comments". I'm constantly told that I'm TOO outspoken, and I say things I shouldn't. So I've been trying to change that about myself, but people don't seem as drawn to me anymore.

Hmmmmm...maybe I should tell those people that told me to moderate myself to GO FUCK THEMSELVES!!!

Woo Hooo...I was able to incorporate the F bomb into a post - GO ME!

I'm such a dork.....

This is going to see really, really, well, dorkish.

Diesel commented on one of my posts. It made me laugh.

Then I was on cloud nine, because someone that I read daily commented on my blog.

I get this same feeling when Sornie comments.

I want to ask for their autograph. I want to show everyone, look, look who commented.

And I'm not a star chaser, or whatever you want to call it. I'd like to think I don't fall into that hype.

But I did have a friend that dated a local radio station DJ, and I felt famous hanging out with him, and telling people that he was part of my "circle".

I must have low self esteem.

Living on a wooded, secluded 5 acres, in a small town is starting to get to me. I should consider moving to the city.

Ok, this post was lame,and not funny at all, but I'm still giddy from reading the comment.

Oh yeah, and I had someone tell me today that I was beautiful. That puts me on cloud nine every time!!

If I wasn't having problems with my libido, I'd run to the bathroom to touch myself lightly.

I'll try to post better tomorrow...

Only a slight irritation..

I’ve never said that I’m a good housekeeper. Actually, I think I’ve stated the exact opposite. But you know things are bad when you ask:

Honey, have you seen the stroller?

Now I can see overlooking or misplacing a shirt, keys, papers, diaperbag, cup, toothbrush, purse, hairbrush, glasses, food, dishes, etc. But a stroller??? WOW!! I need some serious re-organization.

And I’ll get right on it. When I have a “free” moment. Wait, free moments are to be spent focusing on me, not on the house or the kids.

So DH knew right where the stroller was (in the shed) and we loaded it, along with 5 bags, to take to GG’s in order to do our last round of trick or treating.

We took Livvie, dressed as a butterfly, and our princess and our dragon. All had a great time, except most of the time you heard this from my DH:

No, Livvie, you can’t go play with that dog.

Heel Livvie, followed by a dry Hhgggk, Hhggkk from her choking from pulling on her lead.

Then, HEEL LIVVIE – I SAID HEEL. – Yeah, she does well on a lead – WHATEVA.

The only thing that pissed me off was when someone asked “Is that a pit pull?” To which my DH gave a quirky smile that answered their question without words. While I am frantically yelling ahead – “No, she’s an Amstaff Terrier”.

Ok, so Amstaff's are a cousin to the Pit Bull. So what? I REFUSE to allow my precious Livvie to be grouped in with monster dogs. She is the best dog we’ve had…and trust me, we’ve had a few.

I just hate that DH is proud of the fact that we have a dreaded "Pit Bull". The same as he is proud that we have 2 Rottweilers. He says that he likes proving people wrong.

It seems like that's the theme of our life - proving people wrong.

Here are a list of things we've proved so far:

That you don't have to wear helmets when you ride a motorcycle
That Rotts and Pitts make great pets
That you CAN save money by heating with wood
That you can beat someone's ass and then have dinner with them the following week
That a woman can ride her own motorcycle
That a goody goody and a biker/trucker can make a marriage last
Kids can eat dogfood and not get sick
Peeing outside IS more hygenic than porta johns
That not all rednecks have broken down cars in the yard
That women CAN have multiple orgasms
That fat women ARE sexy
You can have a fabulous wedding on less than $2,000
That your marriage can survive a threesome

Ok, I made up that threesome part. Even though it's a fantasy, we haven't lived it, and probably never will. But it's fun to think about, isn't it!!

So, maybe tonight I’ll get to start on that whole organizing thing. Right after I do dishes, cook supper, and occupy my kids because DH is out of town – AGAIN.

Sometimes I hate being a married, yet single mother.